Miranda's Big Mistake - Jill Mansell [108]
In the kitchen Johnnie was wrestling with a bottle of Pinot Noir and a hi-tech corkscrew. Her stomach by this time growling with hunger, Miranda admired the range of nifty appliances on show, then peered into a few cupboards.
`This kitchen is all mouth and no trousers,' she announced. `There's no food.'
`Plenty to drink though.' Johnnie showed her the fridge, stacked with lager, vodka, champagne and fruit juice. `We're lads,' he added defensively. `We eat out. Real men don't cook.'
`I'll tell Marco Pierre White you said that. He'll come round and beat you up.' Miranda held out a glass and watched him pour. `The last time I saw you, you were practically naked and covered with bits of watermelon.'
`I hope you also noticed that I don't have a hairy back,' said Johnnie.
Following him through to the living room, she threw herself back down on the sofa.
`So who set you up with Alice?'
'Timm?' Johnnie had his back to her. He was busy with the midi system, pressing buttons and flicking through a pile of CDs.
`Okay, put it this way,' said Miranda. `Did you answer her ad or did she answer yours?'
Chapter 44
Miranda watched the back of Johnnie's neck flush brick-red. Finally he turned round.
`Bloody Miles, I told him not to say anything.'
`He didn't. I worked it out. Basically, because nobody who knew the two of you would ever try and fix you up. Plus,' said Miranda, feeling quite Sherlock Holmes-ish, `the reason you didn't give her a lift home was because you don't know where she lives.'
Johnnie sighed and pushed a CD into the machine. He came and sat down next to her.
`Don't laugh at me, right? It isn't easy being Miles Harper's best mate. When we go out on the town, girls don't tend to look at the two of us together and say, "Cor, I fancy the fat ugly one."'
He said it jokily, but the expression in his grey eyes was bleak.
`You're not fat!' protested Miranda. Hurriedly she added, `Not ugly either.'
`Compared with Miles I am. Oh, what the hell.' Johnnie shook his head, clearly regretting his moment of weakness. `It's not as if I'm desperate to settle down anyway. Plenty of time for that when I'm old and knackered. I was drunk when
I answered the ad.' He looked rueful. `I suppose everyone cheats like crazy, but Alice did make herself sound terrific on paper. No mention of the fact that she had a laugh like a baboon and all the charisma of a severed foot - good grief, what is that?'
He stared at Miranda in astonishment. Her tummy, rumbling like a brick-filled concrete mixer, obligingly did it again.
`It's all right for you.' About to give his protruding stomach a prod, Miranda stopped herself in the nick of time. `You've eaten already. But it's six hours since my last Magnum and I'm practically on my knees here.'
`There's a really good Chinese round the corner,' said Johnnie. `Tell me what you want and I'll pick up a takeaway.'
Miranda, who liked to scrutinise every item on the menu - otherwise who knew what you might miss? - leapt up. `I'll come with you. Got a pen?'
When they returned, Miles was lying across the sofa watching the highlights from Wimbledon and frowning over the crossword in the Evening Standard. He held up Miranda's note and read aloud: '"Dear Miles, I have left you and run off with your much better-looking friend. Love, Miranda. PS Where do you keep your chopsticks?"'
She plonked a red-hot carrier bag into his lap.
`You can't expect to impress a girl with an empty fridge, you know. We need more than ice cream to keep us going.'
`I was about to take you to Orsini's,' Miles protested. `A romantic dinner for two, lobster and champagne-'
`Too late, we've got mushroom dim sum and teriyaki chicken instead. And we aren't going anywhere,' said Miranda. `Johnnie and I are playing Trivial Pursuit.' Leaning over, she pulled a prawn cracker out of the bag and crunched it with relish. `You can join in if you like.'
Johnnie had finally left at one o'clock.
`What are you doing?' Miles looked perplexed. Miranda, who was