Mists of Avalon - Marion Zimmer Bradley [369]
He had taken off his holiday gown and wore a simple tunic, unadorned; nor had he put on the coronet he wore on such occasions. His golden hair looked dull and greyed. As they saw him enter, all his Companions had broken into wild applause and cheering; he stood solemnly, accepting it, smiling, then finally raised a hand.
“I am sorry to have kept you all waiting,” he said. “I beg you forgive me, and go to your meat.” He sat down at his place, sighing. The servants began to go around with the smoking pots and platters, the carvers to wield their knives. Gwenhwyfar let one of the butlers lay some slices of roast duck on her plate, but she only played with her food. After a time she dared to raise her eyes and look toward Arthur. Among the abundance of festival meats, he had nothing on his plate but a bit of bread, without even butter, and in his cup was only water.
She remonstrated, “But you are eating nothing—”
His smile was wry. “It is no insult to the food. I am sure it is fine as always, my love.”
“It is not well done, to fast on a feast day—”
He grimaced. “Well, if you must have it,” he said impatiently, “the bishop would have it that my sin was so grievous that he cannot absolve it with ordinary penance, and since that was what you wished of me, well—” He spread his hands wearily. “And so I come to Pentecost holiday in my shirt and without my fine clothing, and I have many fastings and prayers till I have done full penance—but you have had your wish, Gwenhwyfar.” He picked up his cup and drank water, resolutely, and she knew he did not want her to say more.
But she had not wanted it like this. . . . Gwenhwyfar tightened her whole body so that she would not weep again; all eyes were on them, and surely it was scandal enough that the King sat fasting at his own highest festival. Outside the rain beat and battered on the roof. There was a strange silence in the hall. At last Arthur raised his head and called for music.
“Let Morgaine sing for us—she is better than any minstrel!”
Morgaine! Morgaine! Always Morgaine! But what could she do? Morgaine, she noticed, had put off the bright gown she had worn that morning and was wearing dark sober stuff like a nun’s. She looked not so much like a harlot, now, without her bright ribbons; she came and took the harp, and sat near the King’s table to sing.
Because it seemed to be what Arthur wished, there was some laughing and gaiety, and when Morgaine had finished, another took the harp, and another. There was much moving from table to table, talking, singing, drinking.
Lancelet came toward them and Arthur gestured to him to sit beside them, as in the old days, on the bench. The servants were bringing great plates of sweets and fruit, baked apples in cream and wine, all manner of delicate and subtle pastries. They sat talking of nothing in particular, and Gwenhwyfar felt happy for a moment: it was like old times, when they had all been friends, when there was love among them all . . . why could it not always have stayed like that?
After some time, Arthur rose and said, “I think I will go and talk to some of the older Companions . . . my legs are young, and some of them are getting so old and grey. Pellinore—he looks not as if he could fight a dragon. I think a good stiff fight with Elaine’s little lapdog would be hard for him now!”
Lancelet said, “Since Elaine is married, it is as if he has nothing more to do in life. Such men often die soon after they have decided such a thing. I hope it may not be so with him—I love Pellinore and hope he will be long with us.” He smiled shyly. “I never felt I had a father—though Ban was good to me in his way—and now, for the first time, I have a kinsman who treats me as a son. Brothers I had not either, till I was grown and Ban’s sons Lionel and Bors came to the court. I grew to manhood hardly speaking their language. And Balan had other concerns.”
Arthur had hardly smiled since he had come from the bishop’s rooms, but he was smiling now. “Does a cousin count for so much less than a brother, then, Galahad?