Monster - A. Lee Martinez [4]
“Miss? Miss?” Her vision cleared enough to make out the four-foot paper man standing over her. “Are you okay, miss?”
She sat up, and the sudden rush almost made her throw up.
“Don’t try to stand.
That’s a nasty bruise on your head.” The yeti was dead. Its head was gone, blown to oblivion. There wasn’t even any blood or brains left. Just a smoking crater. She glanced down at the chunk of scorched wood that had dented her skull.
The blue guy was beside her. “Are you okay, lady?”
“She might need medical treatment,” said Chester.
She struggled to speak.
“She’ll be okay,” the guy said. “Chester, get the healing elixir from the van. The one in the yellow bottle. That’ll fix her up.”
“Sure thing, boss.” The paper man folded himself into his hummingbird shape and flew away.
“But… but…” Judy covered her eyes as she assembled the thought piece by piece. “But that yeti mauled you.”
He helped her up, keeping her steady. Her vision cleared. The guy’s clothes were ripped, but there wasn’t a mark on him. Not so much as a scratch.
“Why aren’t you dead?”
“I’m blue.”
Judy leaned on the guy to keep from falling over. “Huh?”
“I’m invulnerable to violent harm when I’m blue.”
Maybe it was her spinning head or the way that he said it so matter-of-factly, but it made sense to her.
A vaguely Dave-ish blur appeared at the end of the aisle.
“What the hell happened?”
“It’s okay, Dave,” she said. “We took care of it. Me and this guy the city sent. Uh, what’s your name?”
“Monster,” said the blue guy.
“Of course it is. Well, Monster, I really have to sit down before I puke, which I really don’t think you want to happen. Unless you’re also immune to dry-cleaning bills while you’re blue.”
They went over to checkout and found a stool for her. She leaned against the counter and closed her eyes.
“Shit,” said Monster. “You killed one.”
She opened one eye. “It was going to eat me.”
“A dead yeti is hardly worth hauling in for alchemical harvesting,” he said. “Thanks a lot.”
“Sorry,” said Judy, but she really didn’t mean it.
The paper man returned and handed Judy a plastic bottle. “Drink this, miss. It’ll help you feel better.”
She took the squeeze bottle and squirted some in her mouth. “Ugh. This tastes like crap.”
“That’s the manticore bladder,” said Monster. “But without it, a healing elixir isn’t much more effective than a sports drink. So deal with it.”
Judy grumbled, but her head did feel better. She slurped another mouthful.
Dave’s exhaustion dulled him, and so when he shook his head and muttered to himself, Judy knew he was pissed. His store was a mess, and there was no way they’d get everything fixed before the next shift.
Monster said, “Soooo, what do we got here? Two healthy yetis…” He glared pointedly at Judy. “And one dead one.”
She half scowled, half smiled. “It was going to eat me.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Screw the overtime,” she said. “Dave, I’m going home.”
He mumbled his approval. Or disapproval. Or indifference. Regardless of the exact sentiment, she was out of there.
Chester said, “Miss, we’ll need you to sign some forms.”
“Whatever. Just make it quick.”
“I left the forms in the van, Chester,” said Monster.
Rather than wait for Chester to go retrieve the paperwork, Judy followed him into the parking lot. While he rummaged around in the back of the van, she lit a cigarette.
“So how did that guy do that?” she asked. “Make that yeti into a stone and have the baseball bat explode?”
“I’d like to explain it to you, but I really don’t understand the magic of this lower universe myself. Even if I could, you’d just forget it.”
“I nearly got killed tonight. That kind of makes an impression on a girl.”
“Oh, you’ll sort of remember it, but you’ll soon find the details a bit… fuzzy.”
“Wait a minute. You’re calling me a muggle, aren’t you?” Chester jumped out of the van with a clipboard. “That’s not an officially recognized term.”
She snatched the papers. “I’m not a dumbass muggle.”
“Whatever you say, miss. Though only muggles