Monster - A. Lee Martinez [48]
Chester folded himself a mouth and eyebrows so he could gape.
“What?” asked Monster.
“That was surprisingly cogent,” said Chester.
Monster was half pleased, half annoyed by the compliment. “I’m not an idiot.”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just strange for you to think things through like that.”
“I have my moments. So I’m right?”
Chester replied, “Probably. Usually a coincidence is just a coincidence. But sometimes it’s not. And maybe this time it isn’t.”
“And maybe it is. Your Judy theory falls apart if you really think about it.”
“I don’t see you coming up with anything better,” remarked Chester.
Monster wanted to disagree but couldn’t find a strong counterpoint. “I guess we should check it out. Just to rule it out.” He put on his T-shirt and pulled a shoe box from under his bed. He rifled through the box’s contents, pulling out a tin car about an inch long and a folded piece of paper.
“What’s that for?” asked Chester.
“Transportation. We’re not going to figure this thing out just sitting on our butts.”
“A little small, isn’t it?”
“Har har,” said Monster blankly.
“They rent cars.”
“That costs money.”
They exited the house, and Monster laid the toy car in the street out front. He unfolded the directions and read the three-minute activation chant. In a flash, the tiny toy became a full-size automobile, depending on how lax your definition of full-size was. It was bigger, at least. Big enough to hold Monster and Chester and a passenger or two. The wheels were still made of tin, and it lacked windows.
“You can’t be serious.”
“What are you worried about?” said Monster. “It’s not like you can actually die. The worst that happens is that I have to get you another paper body. Anyway, it’s perfectly safe.”
A goat-headed creature sprang through the windowless gap on the passenger’s side of the car. The gaborchend pounced on Monster. He rolled across the lawn, fending off the creature’s snapping jaws.
“Hang on, Monster!”
Chester folded himself into a miniature rhinocerous and charged forward, knocking the gaborchend with enough force to rattle its senses. The gaborchend stumbled around in a daze. Monster jumped on it and pinned it beneath him. The creature was strong, but he managed to keep it held to the ground.
“I’ll get the Cheez Whiz,” said Chester.
Monster pressed his forearm against the back of the gaborchend’s neck as he held one flailing limb with one hand and the other crushed beneath his knee. “Take your time.”
After they finally managed to transmogrify the gaborchend, Monster was more willing to consider Chester’s not-a-coincidence theory.
“What’s going on, Sherlock?” asked Monster.
“I’d say someone is trying to kill you.”
“By sending goat beasts after me?” Monster tossed the transmogrified gaborchend back and forth between his hands. “They’re not very dangerous, really. This is three so far, and I’m not dead.”
“Maybe they’re not trying that hard.”
“That settles it then. It can’t be Judy. She has no reason to want to kill me.”
“She was just trying to deal with her situation and you kept telling her she was wasting her time.”
“She was.”
“Whatever you say.”
“I was being honest.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What? I should’ve lied to her?”
“You could’ve been more… delicate. She was going through a rough patch.”
“And I was helping her deal with it.”
“By being honest,” said Chester.
“Exactly. What’s so wrong with that?”
“People don’t always need honesty.”
“Not my problem.”
“Not to be disagreeable,” said Chester, “but you’ve got a couple of transmogrified gaborchends and a chunk out of your shoulder that say otherwise.”
“So she’s summoning cryptos to kill me. I’ve never heard of anyone who could do that. Much less a light cog.”
“There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
“Huh?”
“It’s Shakespeare.”
Monster scowled. “I had to read Julius Caesar in high school. Had to memorize that stupid Mark Antony speech.”
“Yes, I’m sure the trauma of premature exposure to high literature has left lasting psychological scars,” said Chester.