Monster - A. Lee Martinez [55]
“Owowowowowowowowowow,” screamed Chester as he spun around in small circles on the floor, trying to beat out his wing before it consumed all of him.
Monster snatched up Chester and ran through the spreading flames, out the front door, and onto the lawn. He tossed Chester into the grass and stomped on him until the paper gnome was extinguished.
“Okay, okay!” shouted Chester. “I’m out already! You can stop!” He sat up. There was a hole in the left side of his body. He touched it gingerly and black flecks crumpled from the edges. “Ouch.”
The hydra’s whipping tail of flame smashed through the house’s wall, causing one side of the blazing structure to collapse. The serpent’s burning heads burst through the roof. A tower of fire shot three hundred feet in the air.
Monster and Chester put some distance between themselves and the conflagration. They ducked behind the tin car just as the hydra exploded. They crawled under the car to avoid all the flaming debris raining from the sky. It fell for a few minutes.
“What did you feed that thing?” asked Chester. “Fire rune,” said Monster. “But it shouldn’t have had that reaction.”
“Sometimes I wonder how you ever passed your rune certification.”
“We’re still alive, aren’t we?” They crawled out from under the car and surveyed the hole where the house had stood.
“At least it’s dead,” said Chester. “Yeah. Too bad, though. A hydra score is worth a lot of money.”
“Should we call the fire department?”
“I’m sure someone already has.” Monster checked his burnt shoulder. It wasn’t too bad, though it stung painfully to the touch.
A cab pulled to the curb, and a woman stepped out. From the edge of the sidewalk, she surveyed a blackened kitchen sink sitting in the grass.
“What happened to my house?” she said quietly. “You must be Judy’s sister. I’m Monster, and this is Chester.”
“Hi.” Chester waved.
Greta said, “I came home early because I was having a really weird day. A lion destroyed my car.” She tried to remember. “I think it was a lion. And then there was some other… stuff. I don’t know. I just wanted to come home early, drink an espresso, maybe watch a movie. But now my house is gone.”
“It was either us or the hydra,” said Chester. “We’re really sorry about this, miss.”
“Thank you.” She studied Chester for a long moment. “Are you a paper man?”
“Paper gnome.”
“My mistake.” She nodded to herself. “I think I’ll go wait over there until the fire department arrives. If that’s okay with you.”
“Sure. No problem.”
Greta walked away and didn’t look back as the sounds of sirens drew closer.
14
Judy wouldn’t have minded being kidnapped nearly as much if her abductors had had the decency to bring a properly sinister vehicle. There was something vaguely insulting about being thrown into a purple minivan against your will. They could’ve at least had the presence of mind to tint the windows.
Ferdinand sat in back with Judy. The giant woman kept her iron grip on her prisoner’s neck.
“Ouch,” said Judy. “You don’t have to squeeze so tight.”
Ferdinand snorted and looked out the window. For a few minutes, there was only the sound of her chewing gum.
“Mind if I turn on the radio?” asked Ed from the front.
“No easy listening,” said Ferdinand.
Ed didn’t turn it on.
“You don’t mind, do you?” asked Ed of Judy.
“Whatever.”
Ferdinand squeezed tighter. Judy could barely breathe.
“No reason to be rude,” said Ferdinand.
“Sorry,” croaked Judy. “Being kidnapped puts me in a pissy mood. I’m funny like that.”
Ferdinand frowned. Her nostrils flared and her ears twitched.
“You’re not human,” squeaked Judy through her constricted windpipe.
“Eh, close enough.” Ferdinand loosened her grip from suffocating to merely bone cracking.
Judy rolled her eyes. “Oh, hell, this is more of that stupid magic crap, isn’t it?”
“I’m afraid so,” said Ed.
“Now sit back and shut up,” said Ferdinand.
“Please,” added Ed.
Judy did as she was told. Once she knew this was all about magic, she decided she wouldn’t even try to understand it. She’d just ride it out. It wasn’t