Monster - A. Lee Martinez [94]
“No, thanks,” replied Judy.
Lotus poured a cup and went to the window. “Suit yourself. Such a lovely night.” She picked up the stone. Smiling, she ran her fingers across it. “It won’t be long now.”
“What are you going to do to me?”
“Why, I’m doing exactly what I promised. You wouldn’t understand, but you will. For one brief moment, when things are aligned, you will understand everything. It won’t last long, but it should be some consolation. And once it’s all over, I promise to give you a nice saucer of milk.” Lotus sipped her tea and smiled. “Won’t that be lovely?”
“You’re going to make me into a cat?”
“Oh, yes. You and everyone else.”
“But… why would you do that?”
Lotus said, “Consider it a reboot. Just something that must be done from time to time in order to preserve the order of things. Every so often the universe develops something, some species or world, that just shouldn’t be. I usually allow things to carry on for a while, but sometimes I must intervene.”
“By turning them into cats?” asked Judy.
“This time.” Lotus laughed. “It’s not always the same. Depends on the situation. But I think this will work out wonderfully for everyone.”
“How does it—”
“Tell me, Judy, are you happy?”
“What?”
“It’s a simple question.” Lotus sat in the recliner across from Judy. The silver-haired woman picked a piece of lint off her skirt, crossed her dancer’s legs, and folded her hands in her lap. “Are you happy?”
“That’s not a simple question.”
Ferdinand snorted.
Judy said, “You can’t just expect someone to quantify something as hard to define as—”
“Ed, are you happy?” asked Lotus.
“Yes, ma’am,” replied Ed.
Judy glared. “You can’t count her. She’s always happy.”
“Ferdinand, are you happy?”
Ferdinand took a moment to answer, but only because she had to tuck her huge wad of gum in her cheek. “Sure.”
“They don’t count,” said Judy. “They’re not human. Not exactly.”
“You’re right. They’re not. Not exactly. I didn’t change them all the way, because I’m not that cruel.”
Judy glanced at the guards posted on either side of her. Ed batted her big brown eyes. She took a bite of her apple and grinned. Ferdinand snorted, chewing her gum. She half smiled. There was a blank quality in her stare. And Ed’s too.
“Do you know what separates humanity from the other beasts of this world?” asked Lotus. “It’s not the ability to make tools or complex language or any of that other nonsense you tell yourselves. No, humans are unique in all this world because they’re the only creatures that can make themselves miserable. And do you know how you do that? You do it by expecting to be happy. You’re so busy thinking about happiness, obsessing about finding it and why it isn’t where you expect it to be, that you completely miss the point.
“The other creatures of this universe don’t go looking for happiness. They don’t even expect to be happy. They just expect to be, and that’s good enough.”
“You’re crazy,” said Judy.
“Am I? How about your friend Monster? Was he happy? Or anyone else in your life? Can you name anyone who you think is satisfied with their lot in life?”
“My sister isn’t doing too bad.”
Lotus shrugged. “Fair enough. I’m sure there are one or two genuinely happy souls out there. But can you honestly say that you think it’s more than three or four percent? And that’s being generous.”
Judy tried to come up with another example. She thought of Paulie, but he wasn’t much more complicated than an animal. As long as he had a roof over his head and some weed, he was in solid shape. He had no aspirations beyond that.
No one else came to mind.
“Admit it,” said Lotus. “Admit that if tomorrow all of humanity disappeared to be replaced by cats that this would only be an improvement. No traffic jams or pollution, no wars or television shows. Every ridiculous, time-wasting, misery-inducing preoccupation of your species… gone. Just like that. Doesn’t it sound lovely?”
“Oh, very lovely,” agreed Ed.
“But what about the logistics of a world suddenly full of so many cats at once?” asked