Monty, his part in my victory - Spike Milligan [16]
Last Day at Kerrata
June 6th 1943
My Diary:
Last day: We swam at first light, and wished we hadn’t. It was bloody cold. Edgington was cringing in the water, his teeth chattering, singing his latest hit:
It’s chilly,
On yer willy,
In the water
In Kerrata.
“Rubbish,” I said.
“Rubbish? If Cole Porter was writing this stuff they’d be lapping it up, it’s only my words against his.”
Why we should go mineral rock hunting escaped me. We searched the area.
“What’s a fossil?”
“The birth mark of a dead animal.”
“There must be gold around here.”
Soon our pockets were bulging, we would ask Budden’s advice, after all he was a university man, an officer, not only that he was also intelligent. When we arrived back he was not only a University man, an officer and intelligent, but dead asleep with his mouth open.
“Don’t wake him,” I said, “he might be dreaming of promotion.”
We carefully sorted the rock samples into the various categories that we knew — big and small.
General Anderson and senior officers wondering what to do now the Campaign is over
It was gone 3 when Budden arose, such was his condition that his first words were, “We must be ready by mid-day.”
We showed him the samples. “They’re rocks,” he said, we told him we knew that, and he said so did he.
“Aren’t they valuable sir?” I said.
“I don’t know,” he replied.
What a fine officer I thought, he could have lied and said “Yes, they are gold bearing of a high degree,” but no! he had fought back the temptation and deprived us of a fortune! We had final swims, and then set off to Ain Abessa.
EXTRACT FROM BATTERY ORDERS
by MAJOR F. CHATER JACK, D.S.O, M.C., R.A.
COMMANDING 19/56 HEAVY REGT, R.A.
FIELD. 11.6.43
INFORMATION
The Battery will be interested to learn that they hold the record for the greatest number of 7.2’ rounds per gun fired in 24 hours.
The figure is 220 on 23rd April ‘43 and these, as will be remembered, were on the targets involved in the fight for ‘LONGSTOP’: the Battery positions being then at TOUKABEUR.
The next highest figure is 134 r.p.g. fired by two other Btys of 56 Heavy Regt, during the final attack on 6th May ‘43 when the two Arm. Divs broke through to TUNIS and the Peninsula.
Third comes a figure of 80 r.p.g. also fired by 19 Bty on 24th Apl ‘43 during the final assault on and capture of ‘LONGSTOP’.
During the final battle of MEDJERDA Valley between 22nd April and 6th May, 19 Bty fired a total of 2340 rounds, the next highest of any 7.2’ Bty being 1564.
F. Chater Jack
Major, R.A.
COMMANDING 19/56 HEAVY REGT, R.A.
FIELD. 11.6.43 AGP
‘2340 rounds’? No wonder we were shagged out.
12 June 1943
Sgt Dawson and his pissy friends had spent all night at a café in Kerrata village on the booze. They arrived back at dawn, awoke me with a mug of tea loaded with whiskey, and, half awake I downed the lot; in ten minutes I was raving drunk, and had to be held down by Smudger Smith and 3 Gunners. Hitting me lightly with rifle butts, they carried me screaming to a distant tent.
“What’s all that shouting coming from the direction of Algiers?” said Major Chater Jack.
“It’s Bombardier Milligan sir,” said Dawson. “He’s running through some ideas for the band sir.”
“You sure he hasn’t caught them in a rat trap.”
“No sir — they’re outsize.”
Sgt Donaldson
Wed. 9th June 1943
Sitting outside his tent, swigging warm beer Sgt Frank Donaldson tells me the truth about the ‘battle’ at the El Aroussa Wagon Lines on Feb. 26/27. One morning, a large cloud of dust disappeared through the Wagon Lines, “What was that?” said Donaldson.
“Our Front Line,” was the reply. They received an order: “Fuck off as quick as you can,” but! BQMS Courtney told Donaldson, “Stay behind to defend the road.”
“There isn’t one,” said Donaldson.
“That’s not my fault,” said Courtney and departed. Donaldson and Co. noticed a stew simmering for lunch, they were about to partake when the convoy roared back again, snatched up the stew and disappeared yet a second time.
A Lieutenant wearing a ragged green beret arrived on a lady’s