Monty, his part in my victory - Spike Milligan [26]
“I am a military,” she said, “the WVS Reserve. Are those men on the cliff looking for my dog?”
“No.”
The dog THE DOG!!! of course!!!
“Do you live near the mine field?” I said.
“Right behind it…when the Germans come we’ll have a lovely view of them going up…I’ve put gran’s chair near the window.”
The news could have been broken to her less painfully.
Next morning a policeman arrived, unwrapped a bit of newspaper revealing a tail, a leg and a collar.
“Is this your dog?” he said.
General Alexander showing troops how to play a concertina when you haven’t got one
Tuesday 10th August 1943
My diary:
Since the Concert Party terminated, there had been unending demands from all Regiments for its return, so lucky lucky lucky, we start re-rehearsing. We are to do two more shows then fini. It’s much the same as the old show except a few changes. Beryl Southby, a girlfriend in Norwood, sent a new tune ‘Happy Go Lucky’ which we used for the finale.
Fri. 13 August 1943
Al Fildes’ Diary:
Show a wow: During this all the Battery were away on a Calibration shoot out to sea near Rest Camp. From Ain Abessa we can see the gunflashes at night. Feels as if the war is coming close again. I don’t like it.
Sat. 14 August
My Diary:
Last night of show, Party on stage afterwards.
This was a send up with everyone doing everyone else’s Jet. It went on until 2 a.m. and the wine flowed like water; towards the end of the evening it tasted like it.
Sun. 15 August 1943
I don’t believe it! The whole Band are on guard, with me as guard commander! What a shambles we looked on parade. Edgington 6 foot 3, next to him Doug Kidgell 5 foot 6. Edgington had forgotten his gaiters and to do up his boot laces. The Battery returned during the guard mounting, and the cat-calls were too much to bear.
On August the 18th, our life of semi torpor and lotus eating came to an abrupt end. Suddenly, we were overwhelmed by a training programme that seemed intent on destroying us before the Germans did. It started with 20 mile route marches in full FSMO, through raging torrents, down thorn covered ravines, and up cactus covered cliffs. I left camp every morning a youth of 23, and came back at night looking like a seventy year old charlady. Even when you threw yourself on your bed, your legs went on marching.
“When this war’s over I’m never going to stand up again.” said Kidgell.
Chinese defecating into a German tank just to show which side he’s on
The programme reached its climax with a week on the Artillery ranges at Chateaux Dun in the most god-forsaken inhospitable countryside I’d ever seen. The ground was covered with loose hard rocks, so uneven, one sprained an ankle a day, and I only had two. We were issued with new No 19 and No 22 wireless sets which had to be carried on our backs. I watched as Major Jenkins led Edgington and Bombardier Trew up a sixty degree slope of crumbling rock, Edgington humping two batteries weighing a hundred pounds and Trew with a wireless on his back. In the broiling sun I don’t know how they did it. I was link man between the OP and the Gun, both ½ a mile away, I had to spend 48 hours on my own in utter loneliness without sight or sound of human habitation. At night I was terrified by strange sniffing sounds and for protection did that childlike thing, put my head under the blanket. Finally, on September the 4th it was all over. The Regiment left, leaving behind a small party of ‘cleaner uppers’, of which I was put in charge. We had to collect all the rubbish and bury it. We took our time. By the evening we’d finished and drove back.
It was a warm, dark night, the air caressing, the palm trees appear as velvet cut outs, the meadows of heaven are chorusing stars. The glow of Edgington’s cigarette bounced in the dark corner of the lorry. No-one spoke, which was rare ‘ for us. We really were shagged out. It’s 2100 hrs, the lorry : gradually slowed to a halt. “Ain Abessa centre of the Universe,” said Driver Shipman. “All change.” Did he mean ; underwear? Edgington jumped down from the