More Bab Ballads [7]
was knocked out of her,"
And his method of knocking it out of her is one that covered
him with disgrace.
She was fond of going to church services four times every
Sunday, and, four or five times in the week, and never seemed
to pall of them,
So he hunted out all the churches within a convenient distance
that had services at different hours, so to speak;
And when he had married her he positively insisted upon their
going to all of them,
So they contrived to do about twelve churches every Sunday,
and, if they had luck, from twenty-two to twenty-three in the
course of the week.
She was fond of dropping his sovereigns ostentatiously into
the plate, and she liked to see them stand out rather
conspicuously against the commonplace half-crowns and
shillings,
So he took her to all the charity sermons, and if by any
extraordinary chance there wasn't a charity sermon anywhere,
he would drop a couple of sovereigns (one for him and one for
her) into the poor-box at the door;
And as he always deducted the sums thus given in charity from
the housekeeping money, and the money he allowed her for her
bonnets and frillings,
She soon began to find that even charity, if you allow it to
interfere with your personal luxuries, becomes an intolerable
bore.
On Sundays she was always melancholy and anything but good
society,
For that day in her household was a day of sighings and
sobbings and wringing of hands and shaking of heads:
She wouldn't hear of a button being sewn on a glove, because
it was a work neither of necessity nor of piety,
And strictly prohibited her servants from amusing themselves,
or indeed doing anything at all except dusting the drawing-
rooms, cleaning the boots and shoes, cooking the parlour
dinner, waiting generally on the family, and making the beds.
But BLAKE even went further than that, and said that people
should do their own works of necessity, and not delegate them
to persons in a menial situation,
So he wouldn't allow his servants to do so much as even answer
a bell.
Here he is making his wife carry up the water for her bath to
the second floor, much against her inclination, -
And why in the world the gentleman who illustrates these
ballads has put him in a cocked hat is more than I can tell.
After about three months of this sort of thing, taking the
smooth with the rough of it,
(Blacking her own boots and peeling her own potatoes was not
her notion of connubial bliss),
MRS. BLAKE began to find that she had pretty nearly had enough
of it,
And came, in course of time, to think that BLAKE'S own
original line of conduct wasn't so much amiss.
And now that wicked person - that detestable sinner ("BELIAL
BLAKE" his friends and well-wishers call him for his
atrocities),
And his poor deluded victim, whom all her Christian brothers
dislike and pity so,
Go to the parish church only on Sunday morning and afternoon
and occasionally on a week-day, and spend their evenings in
connubial fondlings and affectionate reciprocities,
And I should like to know where in the world (or rather, out
of it) they expect to go!
Ballad: The Baby's Vengeance
Weary at heart and extremely ill
Was PALEY VOLLAIRE of Bromptonville,
In a dirty lodging, with fever down,
Close to the Polygon, Somers Town.
PALEY VOLLAIRE was an only son
(For why? His mother had had but one),
And PALEY inherited gold and grounds
Worth several hundred thousand pounds.
But he, like many a rich young man,
Through this magnificent fortune ran,
And nothing was left for his daily needs
But duplicate copies of mortgage-deeds.
Shabby and sorry and sorely sick,
He slept, and dreamt that the clock's "tick, tick,"
Was one of the Fates, with a long sharp knife,
Snicking off bits of his shortened life.
He woke and counted the pips on the walls,
The outdoor passengers' loud footfalls,
And his method of knocking it out of her is one that covered
him with disgrace.
She was fond of going to church services four times every
Sunday, and, four or five times in the week, and never seemed
to pall of them,
So he hunted out all the churches within a convenient distance
that had services at different hours, so to speak;
And when he had married her he positively insisted upon their
going to all of them,
So they contrived to do about twelve churches every Sunday,
and, if they had luck, from twenty-two to twenty-three in the
course of the week.
She was fond of dropping his sovereigns ostentatiously into
the plate, and she liked to see them stand out rather
conspicuously against the commonplace half-crowns and
shillings,
So he took her to all the charity sermons, and if by any
extraordinary chance there wasn't a charity sermon anywhere,
he would drop a couple of sovereigns (one for him and one for
her) into the poor-box at the door;
And as he always deducted the sums thus given in charity from
the housekeeping money, and the money he allowed her for her
bonnets and frillings,
She soon began to find that even charity, if you allow it to
interfere with your personal luxuries, becomes an intolerable
bore.
On Sundays she was always melancholy and anything but good
society,
For that day in her household was a day of sighings and
sobbings and wringing of hands and shaking of heads:
She wouldn't hear of a button being sewn on a glove, because
it was a work neither of necessity nor of piety,
And strictly prohibited her servants from amusing themselves,
or indeed doing anything at all except dusting the drawing-
rooms, cleaning the boots and shoes, cooking the parlour
dinner, waiting generally on the family, and making the beds.
But BLAKE even went further than that, and said that people
should do their own works of necessity, and not delegate them
to persons in a menial situation,
So he wouldn't allow his servants to do so much as even answer
a bell.
Here he is making his wife carry up the water for her bath to
the second floor, much against her inclination, -
And why in the world the gentleman who illustrates these
ballads has put him in a cocked hat is more than I can tell.
After about three months of this sort of thing, taking the
smooth with the rough of it,
(Blacking her own boots and peeling her own potatoes was not
her notion of connubial bliss),
MRS. BLAKE began to find that she had pretty nearly had enough
of it,
And came, in course of time, to think that BLAKE'S own
original line of conduct wasn't so much amiss.
And now that wicked person - that detestable sinner ("BELIAL
BLAKE" his friends and well-wishers call him for his
atrocities),
And his poor deluded victim, whom all her Christian brothers
dislike and pity so,
Go to the parish church only on Sunday morning and afternoon
and occasionally on a week-day, and spend their evenings in
connubial fondlings and affectionate reciprocities,
And I should like to know where in the world (or rather, out
of it) they expect to go!
Ballad: The Baby's Vengeance
Weary at heart and extremely ill
Was PALEY VOLLAIRE of Bromptonville,
In a dirty lodging, with fever down,
Close to the Polygon, Somers Town.
PALEY VOLLAIRE was an only son
(For why? His mother had had but one),
And PALEY inherited gold and grounds
Worth several hundred thousand pounds.
But he, like many a rich young man,
Through this magnificent fortune ran,
And nothing was left for his daily needs
But duplicate copies of mortgage-deeds.
Shabby and sorry and sorely sick,
He slept, and dreamt that the clock's "tick, tick,"
Was one of the Fates, with a long sharp knife,
Snicking off bits of his shortened life.
He woke and counted the pips on the walls,
The outdoor passengers' loud footfalls,