Mosaic - Jeri Taylor [82]
"Yes, sir. I'm flattered. I'll certainly think about it."
Kathryn hesitated, not sure if she should be broaching the next subject, but sensing that it might be better for the admiral to talk about it. "Begging your pardon, sir, but when the Cardassians were holding us-I mean, I could hear you screaming, and I know... it must have been terrible."
He looked at her with those filmed eyes. "It was," he said simply. "I could never have imagined."
"Did they-want anything? Information?"
He shook his head. "Not really. I told them everything I could think of, of course. There's no way to keep from offering them anything just to make them stop. But no, they were just interested in breaking me." Admiral Paris stood and walked to the window, where warp stars streaked by in dazzling array. "I'm taking a risk telling you this, Ensign. But it might help you to understand some things."
He paused for a moment, then continued. "I underwent the Cardassians' torture for a little more than an hour. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same again." He turned to her and spoke softly, awe tinging his voice. "Lieutenant Tighe was taken by the Cardassians two years ago. They held him for three days, during which time he underwent constant torture. He managed to escape somehow and make his way back to our forces."
Another heavy pause. "How he has survived so well is amazing to me. How he had the courage to lead a rescue mission for us is astonishing. I just wanted you to know what an extraordinary gesture it was."
Kathryn felt a rush of emotions-amazement, wonder, respect, compassion-all of which quickly coalesced into a deeply felt gratitude. She looked up at Admiral Paris, and felt her eyes sting. "Thank you for telling me, sir. It makes a big difference."
He nodded curtly at her, seeming to withdraw into some protective isolation. "Dismissed" was all he said, and Kathryn exited quickly.
When she rang the chime outside Justin's quarters, her heart was hammering and her cheeks burning. Should she be doing this? She had no idea, but she was compelled by some inner need to go to him; there was something yawning between them that needed to be filled. She had to acknowledge the immensity of what he had done.
His voice through the closed door was dry. "Come in," he said, and the doors slid open. She stood there, not entering, wanting his permission before she would intrude. He looked up at her in some surprise. "Ensign Janeway. Please-come in."
She walked in, conscious of the fact she had never been in his quarters before. They had done all their work in the science lab or the wardroom-neutral territory. Her peripheral vision indicated a room devoid of individuality: a neat, spare space that could have been occupied by anyone. She had seen empty quarters with as much personal detail. He was eyeing her with that cautious, wary look of his, an animal anticipating attack, poised and ready, blue eyes holding her look firmly. She had absolutely no idea how to begin.
She didn't know exactly why she was there, or what she wanted to say. She didn't know whether to be direct or oblique, lighthearted or solemn. She only knew she had to make some kind of connection with him. The moment elongated as she tried to find an approach, an opening sentence, anything to get her started. Suddenly he startled her by chuckling, a low, throaty sound she'd never heard from him before. She looked at him curiously.
"What?" she asked.
"Once my little sister had to ask my father if she could take an offworld trip with her school class. She knew he wouldn't approve, but she was determined to do it. I was with him when she came to ask. She stood there for about three minutes, not saying anything, all her emotions playing out on her face. My dad was perfectly content to let her