Mostly Harmless - Douglas Adams [66]
He was lying on his side, half curled up. It was so long ago and far away when Arthur had last done first aid that he really couldn’t remember what it was he was supposed to do. The first thing he was supposed to do, he remembered, was to have a first aid kit about his person. Damn.
Should he roll him onto his back or not? Suppose he had any broken bones? Suppose he swallowed his tongue? Suppose he sued him? Who, apart from anything else, was he?
At that moment the unconscious man groaned loudly and rolled himself over.
Arthur wondered if he should-
He looked at him.
He looked at him again.
He looked at him again, just to make absolutely sure.
Despite the fact that he had been thinking he was feeling about as low as he possibly could, he experienced a terrible sinking feeling.
The figure groaned again and slowly opened his eyes. It took him a while to focus, then he blinked and stiffened.
“You!” said Ford Prefect.
“You!” said Arthur Dent.
Ford groaned again.
“What do you need to have explained this time?” he said, and closed his eyes in some kind of despair.
Five minutes later he was sitting up and rubbing the side of his head, where he had quite a large swelling.
“Who the hell was that woman?” he said. “Why are we surrounded by squirrels, and what do they want?”
“I’ve been pestered by squirrels all night,” said Arthur. “They keep on trying to give me magazines and stuff.”
Ford frowned. “Really?” he said.
“And bits of rag.”
Ford thought.
“Oh,” he said. “Is this near where your ship crashed?”
“Yes,” said Arthur. He said it a little tightly.
“That’s probably it. Can happen. Ship’s cabin robots get destroyed. The cyberminds that control them survive and start infecting the local wildlife. Can turn a whole ecosystem into some kind of helpless thrashing service industry, handing out hot towels and drinks to passersby. Should be a law against it. Probably is. Probably also a law against there being a law against it so everybody can get nice and worked up. Hey ho. What did you say?”
“I said, and the woman is my daughter.”
Ford stopped rubbing his head.
“Say that one more time.”
“I said,” said Arthur, huffily, “the woman is my daughter.”
“I didn’t know,” said Ford, “that you had a daughter.”
“Well, there’s probably a lot you don’t know about me,” said Arthur. “Come to mention it, there’s probably a lot I don’t know about me either.”
“Well, well, well. When did this happen then?”
“I’m not quite sure.”
“That sounds like more familiar territory,” said Ford. “Is there a mother involved?”
“Trillian.”
“Trillian? I didn’t think that.
“No. Look, it’s a bit embarrassing.”
“I remember she told me once she had a kid but only, sort of, in passing. I’m in touch with her from time to time. Never seen her with the kid.”
Arthur said nothing.
Ford started to feel the side of his head again in some bemusement.
“Are you sure this was your daughter?” he said.
“Tell me what happened.”
“Phroo. Long story. I was coming to pick up this parcel I’d sent to myself here care of you …”
“Well, what was that all about?”
“I think it may be something unimaginably dangerous.”
“And you sent it to me?” protested Arthur.
“Safest place I could think of. I thought I could rely on you to be absolutely boring and not open it. Anyway, coming in at night I couldn’t find this village place. I was going by pretty basic information. I couldn’t find any signal of any kind. I guess you don’t have signals and stuff here.”
“That’s what I like about it.”
“Then I did pick up a faint signal from your old copy of the Guide, so I homed in on that, thinking that would take me to you. I found I’d landed in some kind of wood. Couldn’t figure out what was going on. I get out, and then see this woman standing there. I go up to say hello, then suddenly I see that she’s got this thing!”
“What thing?”
“The thing I sent you! The new Guide. The bird thing! You were meant to keep it safe, you idiot, but this woman had the thing right there by her shoulder. I ran forward and she hit me with a rock.”
“I see,” said Arthur.