Mugglenet.com's Harry Potter Should Have Died - Emerson Spartz [9]
His tongue is probably forked like a snake, but at least he has one, while the Dementors just have that sucker-like mouth. Kissing a Dementor would be like making out with Nemo. Ugh. At least Voldemort has teeth. Wait—does he have teeth? Fangs?
Just don’t think about it. Fangs shouldn’t get in the way if he has any kissing experience.
And really, he might let you keep your soul, although it will be tattered and torn, just like Bellatrix Lestrange, the Dark Lord’s lady-friend. But stay out of her way, because if she catches you making out with her man, you’ll be in the afterlife faster than you can say Avada Kedavra.
A Dementor
If you have to kiss an evil entity, go for the Dementor. It’s more like kissing a potted plant with lips, and it won’t last very long. That cold tingly feeling isn’t love, of course, and it might bring up all your bad memories, but how is that different from say, a blind date? So just get over it. Plus, Voldemort probably has nasty B.O. and permanent morning breath. You could even say he has killer breath (pun very much intended). And if you hooked up with Voldemort, some people might accuse you of being a jersey chaser, because that’s a guy who’s going places. At least Dementors are probably good kissers because they get so much practice.
Verdict
This one’s easy. If you swap spit with Voldemort, he’ll probably torture and eventually kill you, but you’ll still have your soul. Hooking up with a Dementor at a party would be a bigger, more eternal mistake.
What is the coolest Deathly Hallow?
The Elder Wand
Imagine the wizarding world’s coolest wand choosing you as the most powerful wizard. That’s what the Elder Wand does, as we learn in DH: It passes from wizard to wizard when someone is overpowered by physical force, trickery, or a spell. This is truly a case when “the wand chooses the wizard” as Mr. Ollivander explains to Harry back when he is a first-year student [SS, p. 85]. Though the Elder Wand caused treachery in the past, it doesn’t really deserve the nickname “Deathstick” because the owner doesn’t have to die for the magic to transfer, as Harry learns from his talk with Dumbledore in the “King’s Cross” chapter. So it’s cool that the Elder Wand doesn’t always choose the biggest bully or killer as its master, but will respond to a wizard who uses cleverness and cunning to merely disarm an opponent, as is the case with Grindelwald, Dumbledore, Draco, and Harry.
The Elder Wand is the coolest because it sees the power in Draco and Harry that Voldemort can’t see, and that they certainly can’t see in themselves. The Dark Lord would never expect a powerful Hallow to view a couple of seventeen-year-old wizards as its master. Draco can’t bring himself to kill Dumbledore in HBP, but he disarms him on the tower, and that is enough to impress the Elder Wand (talk about being easily impressed! Sheesh). But Draco never knows he has any special powers because the Elder Wand was buried in Dumbledore’s tomb, then forcibly removed by Voldemort. When Harry later overcomes Draco and physically wrestles his own wand away, the Elder Wand wakes up and sees that as a victory, even though there is no death involved. Voldemort loves killing too much to understand the calm rationality of the Elder Wand, which can never kill Harry as long as he is the master, so Voldemort’s Avada Kedavra backfires on him. That’s a pretty cool way to win a battle against the most evil wizard the world has ever known!
The Elder Wand can be a force for good if wizards protect others with it, as Dumbledore and Harry did. It can’t bring back the dead like the Resurrection Stone, and the power can’t be shared