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By Root 1514 0

Still, there is this shred of humanity in all of us, and in the end, we feel the need to trust someone. And this need is fatal. It is the very need he has exploited for years, the need he used when he put people in the police car and told them they would be all right if they cooperated, would be back with their families in no time if they were calm. And by God, they did trust him and rode across Mexico, went through checkpoints and said nothing, never told a single soul they had been kidnapped. They would trust him as they were tortured in the safe houses. They would promise him fine things when they were returned to their families. They would help mop the floors, clean up the vomit and blood. They would compose songs. They would trust him right up to that instant when he strangled them.

So his friend gives him up. He is taken at 10 P.M., and this time, he is held until 3 A.M.

But something has changed within him. And some things have not changed. Four men take him to a safe house. They remove all of his clothing but his shorts. They take pool balls in their hands and beat him.

But he can tell they are amateurs. They do not even handcuff him, and this is almost disturbing to him. He is the captive of third-raters. As they beat him, he prays and prays and prays. He also laughs because he is appalled by their incompetence. They have not bound him, and their blows do not disable him. He sizes them up and in his mind plans how he will kill them, one, two, three, four, just like that.

And at the same moment, he is praying to God to help him so that he will not kill them, so that he can stop his life of murder. He has been sliding toward God for some time now, brought to the fact of Christ by one of his first mentors when he joined the state police and became a professional killer. As he sits in the room, sipping coffee and recalling this moment, his face comes alive. He is passionate now. He is approaching the very moment of his salvation. Some people pretend to accept Christ, he says, but at that moment, he could feel total acceptance fill his body. He could feel peace. And yet there was this tension within him. He prays so ardently, and still at the same time he cannot stop laughing at his captors. He knows that in the Christian faith, the lamb is a symbol of belief and of redemption. But he also knows he can never be a lamb. If he is to be a Christian, he must be a Christian wolf.

They point rifles at him. He cannot stop laughing.

“I was afraid,” he explains. “I realized I would have to kill them all. I said to God, don’t do this to me, I don’t want to do this anymore. God, give me time.”

Two of the armed men leave. Another guy goes to the bathroom.

Here is his chance. The chance he is praying that God will not let him use. He can see no way out but killing, and now he knows that is no way out.

He looks at the remaining captor.

“The guy says, ‘I don’t have a problem with you. Once, you told me to be careful or they would kill me. You did me a favor.’

“So, I am praying to God, help me! I don’t want to kill these people. And I know I can do it rapidly.

“The guy turns his back on me and says, ‘Get out, go.’”

He opens the door and runs without his shoes or clothes. He goes to his home, takes his family out the back way, and sends them to different parts of Mexico. He knows that his killers will not go after his family, because they still fear him and know he can raise some men and kill their families.

“I had no one but God now. I still had some assets. I had a pilot assigned to me, I had knowledge of the organization. I had lived fully. I had risen. Often, I would simply supervise. I might fly to a distant city on a Saturday. Then on Sunday, I would supervise an execution and make certain the individual died. Sometimes, I would give the coup de grâce. I was on a monthly salary. I had a house, a good car, all that I needed was given to me. The boss is like God because everything comes from him. You worship him. When I was kidnapped, I finally realized I had been worshipping a false god. And I turned to the real God.