Musashi - Eiji Yoshikawa [112]
He went on to say that the stands were already being put up, and that the prospects looked excellent. They felt, however, that they needed another man, because with just the three of them, some really strong samurai might show up and beat them all, which would mean that their hard-earned money would go down the drain. They had decided that Musashi was just the right person for them. If he would join in with them, they would not only split the profits but pay for his food and lodging while the matches were in progress. That way he could easily earn some fast money for his future travels.
Musashi listened with some amusement to their blandishments, but by and by he grew tired and broke in. “If that’s all you want, there’s no point in discussing it. I’m not interested.”
“But why?” asked Dampachi. “Why aren’t you interested?”
Musashi’s youthful temper erupted. “I’m not a gambler!” he stated indignantly. “And I eat with chopsticks, not with my sword!”
“What’s that?” protested the three, insulted by his implication. “What do you mean by that?”
“Don’t you understand, you fools? I am a samurai, and I intend to remain a samurai. Even if I starve in the process. Now clear out of here!”
One man’s mouth twisted into a nasty snarl, and another, red with anger, shouted, “You’ll regret this!”
They well knew that the three of them together were no match for Musashi, but to save face, they stamped out noisily, scowling and doing their best to give the impression they weren’t through with him yet.
That night, as on other recent nights, there was a milky, slightly overcast moon. The young mistress of the house, free from worry as long as Musashi was in residence, was careful to provide him with delicious food and sake of good quality. He ate downstairs with the family and in the process drank himself into a mellow mood.
Returning to his room, he sprawled on the floor. His thoughts soon came to rest on Nikkan.
“It’s humiliating,” he said to himself.
The adversaries he had defeated, even the ones he had killed or half killed, always disappeared from his mind like so much froth, but he couldn’t forget anyone who got the better of him in any way or, for that matter, anyone in whom he sensed an overpowering presence. Men like that dwelt in his mind like living spirits, and he thought constantly of how one day he might be able to overshadow them.
“Humiliating!” he repeated.
He clutched at his hair and pondered how he could get the better of Nikkan, how he could face that unearthly stare without flinching. For two days this question had gnawed at him. It wasn’t that he wished Nikkan any harm, but he was sorely disappointed with himself.
“Is it that I’m no good?” he asked himself ruefully. Having learned swordsmanship on his own, and thus lacking an objective appraisal of his own strength, he couldn’t help but doubt his own ability to ever achieve power such as the old priest exuded.
Nikkan had told him he was too strong, that he had to learn to become weaker. This was the point that sent his mind off on tangent after tangent, for he couldn’t fathom the meaning. Wasn’t strength a warrior’s most important quality? Was that not what made one warrior superior to others? How could Nikkan speak of it as a flaw?
“Maybe,” thought Musashi, “the old rascal was toying with me. Maybe he considered my youth and decided to talk in riddles just to confuse me and amuse himself. Then after I left, he had a good laugh. It’s possible.”
At times like this, Musashi wondered whether it had been wise to read all those books at Himeji Castle. Until then, he had never bothered much about figuring things out, but now, whenever something happened, he couldn’t rest until he’d found an explanation satisfying to his intellect. Previously he’d acted on instinct; now he had to understand each small thing before he could accept it. And this applied not only to swordsmanship but to the way he viewed humanity and society.
It was true that the daredevil in him had been tamed. Yet Nikkan said he was “too strong.” Musashi assumed that Nikkan was referring not to