Musashi - Eiji Yoshikawa [384]
She, too, began to weep. “Since you let him get the best of you, you have to think of vindicating yourself. He’s still here. When he wakes up, challenge him to another bout. That’s the only way you can regain your self-confidence.”
Gonnosuke, lifting his head, said sadly, “If I could do that, Mother, I wouldn’t feel the way I do now.”
“What’s the matter with you? You’re not acting like yourself. Where’s your spirit?”
“Last night, when I went with him to the pond, I kept my eye open for a chance to attack him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I kept telling myself he was only a nameless rōnin. Still, when I took a good look at him, my arm refused to move.”
“That’s because you’re thinking like a coward.”
“What of it? Look, I know I’ve got the blood of a Kiso samurai in me. I haven’t forgotten how I prayed before the god of Ontake for twenty-one days.”
“Didn’t you swear before the god of Ontake that you’d use your staff to create your own school?”
“Yes, but I guess I’ve been too complacent. I haven’t considered that other men know how to fight too. If I’m as immature as I showed myself to be yesterday, how could I ever establish a school of my own? Rather than live in poverty and see you hungry, it’d be better to break my staff in half and forget about it.”
“You’ve never lost before, and you’ve had a number of matches. Maybe the god of Ontake intended yesterday’s defeat as a lesson to you. Maybe you’re being punished for being overconfident. Giving up the staff to take better care of me isn’t the way to make me happy. When that rōnin wakes up, challenge him. If you lose again, then’s the time to break your staff and forget your ambitions.”
Musashi went back to his room to give the matter some thought. If Gonnosuke challenged him, he’d have to fight. And if he fought, he knew he’d win. Gonnosuke would be crushed, his mother heartbroken.
“There’s nothing to do but avoid it,” he concluded.
Noiselessly sliding open the door to the veranda, he went out. The morning sun spilled a whitish light through the trees. In the corner of the yard near a storehouse stood the cow, grateful for another day and for the grass growing at her feet. Bidding the animal a silent farewell, Musashi went through the windbreak and strode off on a path winding through the fields.
Mount Koma today was visible from top to bottom. The clouds were countless, small and cottony, each of a different shape, all playing freely in the breeze.
“Jōtarō’s young, Otsū frail,” he told himself. “But there’re people who have the goodness of heart to take care of the young and the frail. Some power in the universe will decide whether I find them or not.” His spirit, in turmoil since that day at the waterfall, had seemed in danger of losing its way. Now it returned to the path it was meant to follow. On a morning like this, thinking solely of Otsū and Jōtarō seemed shortsighted, no matter how important they were to him. He must keep his mind on the Way he had sworn to follow throughout this life and into the next.
Narai, which he reached a little after noon, was a thriving community. One shop displayed a variety of pelts outside. Another specialized in Kiso combs.
With the intention of asking his way, Musashi stuck his head into a shop that sold medicine made from bear’s gall. There was a sign reading “The Big Bear,” and by the entrance a large bear in a cage.
The proprietor, his back turned, finished pouring himself a cup of tea and said, “Can I help you?”
“Could you tell me how to find the store belonging to a man named Daizō?”
“Daizō? He’s down at the next crossroads.” The man came out, holding his cup of tea, and pointed down the road. Catching sight of his apprentice returning from an errand, he called, “Here. This gentleman wants to go to Daizō’s place. He might not recognize it, so you’d better take him there.”
The apprentice, whose head was shaved so as to leave one shock of hair in front and another in back but none on top, marched off with Musashi in tow. The latter, grateful for the kindness, reflected that Daizō must