Mussolini_ His Part in My Downfall - Spike Milligan [0]
His Part In My Downfall
(Memoires volume 4)
(Non fiction)
by Spike Milligan
1978
* * *
Clive James, in a review of one of mywar books, quoted it as ‘an unreliable history of the war’. Well, this makes him a thoroughly unreliable critic, because I spend more time on getting my dates and facts right than I did in actually writing. I admit the way I present it may seem as though my type of war was impossible and all a figment of a hyper-thyroid imagination, but that’s the way I write. But all that I wrote did happen, it happened on the days I mention, the people I mention are real people and the places are real. So I wish the reader to know that he is not reading a tissue of lies and fancies, it all really happened. I even got down to actually finding out what the weather was like, for every day of the campaign. I’ve spent a fortune on beer and dinners interviewing my old Battery mates, and phone calls to those members overseas ran into over a hundred pounds. Likewise I included a large number of photographs actually taken in situ, don’t tell me I faked them all, so no more ‘unreliable history of the war’ chat.
I want to thank the following for their help with documents, photographs, maps, recollections which are included in this volume: Major J. Leaman, Lt. S. Pride, Lt. C. Budden, B.S.M. L. Griffin, Sgt. F. Donaldson, the late Bombardier Edwards, Bombardier H. Holmwood, Bombardier S. Price, Bombardier A. Edser, Bombardier S. Kemp, L/Bdr. A. Fildes, Gunner ‘Jam-Jar’ Griffin, Bombardier D. Sloggit, L/Bdr. R. Bennett, Gunner J. Shapiro, Gunner H. Edgington, Gunner ‘Dipper’ Dye, Driver D. Kidgell, The War Museum Picture Library, Mrs Thelma Hunt, Mrs P. Hurren, all of whom have helped to give you this ‘unreliable history of the war’.
This volume ends up on a sad note, even for a born joker like me: the conflict caught up with me and I was invalided out of it. However, the rest of the book tells of what an unusual mob we were and have been ever since. The closeness of those years still exists in as much as we have two reunions a year, something no other British Army unit have. This book is a dedication to the spirit and friendship of ‘D’ Battery, 56th Heavy Regiment, Royal Artillery.
S. M.
Bayswater
March 1978
Salerno
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 1943
MY DIARY:
STILL AT WAR! EARLY CLOSING IN CATFORD. READ LETTER FROM MOTHER SAYING CHIESMANS OF LEWISHAM ARE SO SHORT OF STOCK, THE MANAGER AND STAFF SIT IN THE SHOP MIMING THE WORDS ‘SOLD OUT’.
Dear Reader, the beds in the Dorchester Hotel are the most comfortable in England. Alas! neither Driver Kidgell nor Lance-Bombardier Milligan are in a bed at the Dorchester—no! they are trying to sleep on a 10-ton Scammell lorry, parked on the top deck of 4,000-ton HMS Boxer, inside whose innards are packed 19 Battery, 56th Heavy Regiment, all steaming in the hold; from below comes the merry sound of men retching and it’s all from Gunner Edgington. We are bound for Sunny Salerno. For thirteen days since the 5th Army landing, a ferocious battle had ensued on the beach-head. Even as we rode the waves we knew not what to expect when our turn came. The dawn comes up like Thinder. Thinder? Yes, that’s Thin Thunder. “Shhhhhh,” we all shout. The chill morning air touches the khaki somnam-bulists sleeping heroically for their King and Country. We are awakened by Gunner Woods in the driving cab, who has fallen asleep on the motor horn. A puzzled ship’s Captain is wondering why he can hear the sound of a lorry at sea. Kidgell gives a great jaw-cracking yawn and that’s him finished for the day. He stretches himself but doesn’t get any longer. Deep in his eyes I see engraved the word, ‘TEA’. “Wakey wakey,” he said, but didn’t. The ship is silent. The helmsman’s face shows white through the wheel house.
HMS Boxer, which landed us at Salerno. This picture was taken after the war, when she’d been converted to a Radar Ship.
“It is Dawn,” yawns Kidgell. “My watch says twenty past,” I yawned. “Yes! It’s exactly twenty past Dawn,” he yawned. We yawned. Like a comedy duo,