Must You Go_ - Antonia Fraser [28]
15 December
The day I got divorced I went on my own to La Bohème and sat in a black velvet cloak and cried my heart and eyes out in the last act. This was pure self-indulgence as almost anyone I knew would have taken me out to dinner, including Hugh. The day I got divorced I also spent an hour at Euston Station waiting for my middle son Damian’s school train from York. I told Kevin and Rachel (whose own wedding anniversary began at midnight) that if I could attend the first night of The Birthday Party again, I would do so: ‘I have never regretted it.’
18 December
Took the children to see Ted Heath sign copies of his book in Rye – my father had published it at Sidgwick & Jackson. Oh, the irony of this warm and jolly creature, chuckling as he wielded the pen like the tiller of a yacht. Ted signed books with joy for exactly those women he had scorned as Tory Party workers.
21 December
Visited the Naipauls, first time for ages together, taking them a bottle of champagne. Vidia thin (‘my exercises – I can now carry a dustbin with one hand again’), charming and courteous. Pat so happy he is back.
Xmas Day – Scotland
Unlike Xmas Eve, which I have always loathed, I like Xmas Day. Harold even manages to telephone from Canada, a great feat. It must be said that Xmas Eve lived up to its proverbial promise: all hot water went off, followed by all water. Daniel rings up from Launceston Place to which he has returned and says: ‘The heating has broken down. What shall I do?’
1977
1 January
I am awoken by Harold: ‘Happy New Year, darling, and I love you.’ Me, very sleepy: ‘I love you too and now I think I’ll go back to sleep and dream about you.’ Actually I had stayed up till 2.30 a.m., the girls’ friends all charming; one of the men did a strip-tease which stopped just in time, and a cousin did a sword-dance with skis. We danced reels.
16 January
I am going to be strong this year. Vivien out of the Priory where she went for treatment and has resumed telephoning. I speak calmly: ‘It’s Antonia. How are you feeling?’ She is nonplussed but answers after a pause. Afterwards, I find I am shaking, but am pleased with my polite attitude all the same.
23 January
Flew to Washington. Saw Otherwise Engaged, Simon’s savage (at heart) and moving play. Tom Courtenay lacks Alan Bates’ mordant humour but gives in the end more sense of how awful it is to be Simon Hench as well as pretty awful to live near him. Got lost walking from National Theatre to our hotel; Washington is like Berlin after the bombing although the buildings are new and the vast space planned.
26 January
There are Haitian refugees placarding the White House: ‘Haiti, paradise for tourists, hell for the people.’ Harold says we should learn more before going there as planned, on the advice of Harold’s extremely left-wing editor Barney Rosset.
27 January
Lunch with the Harrimans; Bob Silvers described Averell Harriman as a Renaissance Prince and this quality impresses Harold. Pamela Harriman plump, charming and motherly to us all. She speaks about the problems of women in politics. Begins sentences: ‘We, the women’. Pam!! She is wonderful. (As Pamela Churchill, she had been a friend of Hugh’s and was godmother to our daughter Rebecca.)
28 January
Lunch at the British Embassy for ‘theatrical personalities’. Elizabeth Taylor was there, in purple jersey dress and matronly turban: but the purple eyes incomparable. She lacked animation, as if the gaze of the curious had long ago drained it away from her. It was odd being at the Embassy where long ago Hugh and I gambolled with David and