My Childhood - Maxim Gorky [69]
Grandmother took his hand, and sitting beside him laughed gently as she said:
"Oh, you poor thing! So you are afraid of being a beggar. Well, and suppose we do become beggars? All you will have to do is to stay at home while I go out begging. . . . They 'll give to me, never fear! . . . We shall have plenty; so you can throw that trouble aside."
He suddenly burst out laughing, moving his head about just like a goat; and seizing grandmother round the neck, pressed her to him, looking small and crumpled beside her.
"Oh, you fool!" he cried. "You blessed fool! . . . You are all that I've got now! . . . You don't worry about anything because you don't understand. But you must look back a little . . . and remember how you and I worked for them . . . how I sinned for their sakes . . . yet, in spite of all that, now--"
Here I could contain myself no longer; my tears would not be restrained, and I jumped down off the stove and flew to them, sobbing with joy because they were talking to each other in this wonderfully friendly fashion, and because I was sorry for them, and because mother had come, and because they took me to them, tears and all, and embraced me, and hugged me, and wept over me; but grandfather whispered to me:
"So you are here, you little demon! Well, your mother 's come back, and I suppose you will always be with her now. The poor old devil of a grandfather can go, eh? And grandmother, who has spoiled you so . . . she can go to ... eh? Ugh-- you! . . ."
He put us away from him and stood up as he said in a loud, angry tone:
"They are all leaving us--all turning away from us. . . . Well, call her in. What are you waiting for? Make haste!"
Grandmother went out of the kitchen, and he went and stood in the corner, with bowed head.
"All-merciful God!" he began. "Well . . . Thou seest how it is with us!" And he beat his breast with his fist.
I did not like it when he did this; in fact the way he spoke to God always disgusted me, because he seemed to be vaunting himself before his Maker.
When mother came in her red dress lighted up the kitchen, and as she sat down by the table, with grandfather and grandmother one on each side of her, her wide sleeves fell against their shoulders. She related something to them quietly and gravely, to which they listened in silence, and without attempting to interrupt her, just as if they were children and she were their mother.
Worn out by excitement, I fell fast asleep on the couch.
In the evening the old people went to vespers, dressed in their best. Grandmother gave a merry wink in the direction of grandfather, who was resplendent in the uniform he wore as head of the Guild, with a racoon pelisse over it, and his stomach sticking out importantly; and as she winked she observed to mother:
"Just look at father! Isn't he grand. ... As spruce as a little goat." And mother laughed gaily.
When I was left alone with her in her room, she sat on the couch, with her feet curled under her, and pointing to the place beside her, she said:
"Come and sit here. Now, tell me--how do you like living here? Not much, eh?"
How did I like it?
"I don't know."
"Grandfather beats you, does he?"
"Not so much now."
"Oh? . . . Well, now, you tell me all about it . . . tell me whatever you like . . . well?"
As I did not want to speak about grandfather, I told her about the kind man who used to live in that room, whom no one liked, and who was turned out by grandfather. I could see that she did not like this story as she said:
"Well, and what else?"
I told her about the three boys, and how the Colonel had driven me out of his yard; and her hold upon me tightened as she listened.
"What nonsense!" she exclaimed with flashing eyes, and was silent a minute, gazing on the floor.
"Why was grandfather