My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [22]
September 26, 2007
We’re on the plane on the way to Los Angeles. We just had a great meal with great service. Farrah is fast asleep and I was meditating when I had this great idea for a movie, inspired by Farrah talking about Enchanted April, which I’ve never seen but I think is about four older English women who go off to Italy to escape their mundane lives.
So here’s my idea: A few girls rent a house in Italy for a month and just hang out. I could see it as a movie, or even a reality show. If we did it as a movie, maybe Cher would want to direct it. I don’t know exactly what the plot would be, but it would involve four single California women. One of them would be the Farrah character, who is recovering from cancer. One would be my character, who is worried about her financial future and looking for an Italian billionaire (millionaires just don’t meet the criteria anymore). She, of course, falls in love with an Italian chef. Then there could be one woman who is recovering from a terrible state of depression, and another who has just found her husband in bed with another woman (or maybe even another man!). Anyway, there are lots of possibilities, but I’m not sure where I go from here. And do I need a younger woman (or two) in this plot? I don’t know how easy it would be to get any movie made with four women over fifty. That’s just reality in Hollywood.
Anyway, that’s my idea for now. I always have great ideas, but I’m never quite sure how to carry them out. I can’t make a decision, so I go around in circles and ultimately do nothing. I wish I could be more like Farrah in this respect; she’s a risk taker and doesn’t waste time once she puts her mind to something. She has a saying that she loves: “Life is sweetened by risk.” She even named her production company Sweetened By Risk.
November 11, 2007
I haven’t written for a while, even though I’ve been back from Germany for a month and a half. So much on my mind. The first thing I have to face is that Mimmo is definitely coming in a week, and I’m slightly panicked. It was all fun and laughs when we discussed it in Bad Wiessee. But truthfully, I never thought he would really come. He e-mailed me the minute I got home that he had booked his ticket. Suddenly reality hit: What the hell was I thinking? This man whom I hardly know is coming to stay at my house! What if he’s some pervert or an ax murderer?
I called Dr. Jacob to see how well she knew him, and I was relieved when she told me she’s known him for a few years and that he’s a very decent, nice, hardworking guy. The fact remains that I don’t know what he’s expecting. A romance? Or just a nice trip to Los Angeles, where he’s never been? I’ve decided he can stay here, in the guest room, I can show him around L.A., and we can be friends. I’ll make that very clear, so that hopefully there will be no problem of him having other expectations.
I also don’t want to build up any expectations on my part of what it might be. I don’t want to jump into anything too quickly and then regret it. If I behave responsibly, I won’t have to face that kind of uncomfortable situation, right? Marianne Williamson said that I should only ask God that this be a blessing. That’s a spiritual way to look at it, and it relieves me of trying to figure it out and be anxious about the outcome. It won’t be uncomfortable if I’m just open and can be kind, be sharing, and enjoy it—even if the end result is only that I’m learning to speak Italian really well.
I spoke to Farrah about it several times; each time I was more panicked. She thought it was great that he was coming. But then she’s not an anxiety-filled worrywart like me. She has a much simpler way of looking at things. She sees things more in the moment, not as a catastrophe-in-the-making.
“Oh, what could be bad?” she said. “He’s gorgeous, he’s sweet, and most importantly, he’s a great cook! Have him cook for you all the time. For all of us!”
She’s so practical about these things. Maybe she’s right and I should