My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [28]
I just read the lesson for today in A Course in Miracles, one of my favorite spiritual teachings, the one that Marianne Williamson reintroduced. It’s about not looking to the world to find answers. I really get that now. Nothing in the material world can make you safe; nothing can save you from life’s challenges and trials—no man, no person, no situation, no amount of money—only a connection to a Higher Power or God, or whatever one chooses to call this power in the universe that’s greater than we are. As much as I try, I’m not sure I totally understand it. I’m trying not to get frightened about the future, but I don’t see the solution to my dwindling financial situation. I keep surrendering it to God, trusting there’s an answer, but on the other hand, I don’t want to just sit and do nothing and be paralyzed in fear. Yet I don’t know what to do. The television show that seemed like a sure thing hasn’t been given a go, and there doesn’t appear to be any other work in my future. I see Tina making plans for building her new house and growing old in it, while I’m the same age and I don’t have the resources to know I’m taken care of for the rest of my life. I can’t even imagine where that kind of financial security could come from at this stage of the game. I’m sure I’m in the same boat as a lot of women my age. It’s a scary place to be. I just have to trust that it will work out.
And now we’re leaving again for Farrah’s follow-up treatment. We’re going to fly with Bren Simon on her plane to Germany and go straight to the clinic. So I have barely three weeks to try to catch up on things here and get ready for the next trip. My kids don’t like me being gone so much. It’s funny that they’re young adults but they still come to me whenever they have a problem. I guess that’s what mothers are for. And my dogs hate it when I leave. They start to mope around and give me long, baleful looks as soon as they see the suitcases come out. Guilt, guilt, guilt. I have problems in the house to deal with; most of all I have to decide if I’m going to try to sell it now or wait until my money runs out. I must say that sometimes it’s a relief to go off to Germany and escape reality for a while. It’s just that it’s always waiting for me when I come back.
Birthdays were always big for us. For as long as I can remember, Farrah’s been at my birthdays and I’ve been at hers. It wasn’t just tradition; it just didn’t feel right without each other there. Oh sure, we missed some here and there, but by and large, if it was possible, we were together. Whether at her house or mine, a restaurant, or a party somewhere, we almost always celebrated getting older and wiser together.
For her birthday in February 2008, where this photo was taken, we all crowded into Mimmo’s, across the street from the clinic. He made her a fabulous birthday dinner. The first course, which Farrah loved, was thinly sliced beets, Pecorino cheese, and arugula. The second course was taglioni pasta with a hint of butter and truffles—our favorite pasta there. The next course was fish, a lovely sea bass. Then came the birthday cake and champagne. Farrah enjoyed every bite. We drank, we ate, then they played Stevie Wonder’s “Happy Birthday to You” and we danced.
Farrah was in great spirits. My ex George was there with Dr. Barbara, as were my son Sean and his girlfriend Caleigh, our friend Lili Zanuck, Dr. Jacob, and Anna Danenza. Dr. Jacob even wore a dirndl, a traditional Bavarian dress.
Finally, as the evening was winding down, Farrah got up to make some toasts. First, she turned to Dr. Jacob.
“Thank you for saving my life,” she said, and Dr. Jacob nodded back.
And then, flashing a big smile, she raised her glass to me.
“To my best friend. It wouldn’t have been possible without you.”
GOOD NEWS…BAD NEWS
February 10, 2008
Finally! A good-news trip! We’ve been gone from L.A. for over three weeks now. I haven’t written this entire trip and I don’t know where to start. I haven’t had a free minute,