My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [68]
February 23, 2009
I’ve been looking in on Farrah every so often. Tomorrow we go to Dr. Kiehling, who will put in a port so they don’t have to keep trying to find a vein and repair the hernia in her abdomen that has occurred in the last few months, probably from all the vomiting. I just went over to see her and she was drifting off to sleep.
I called Mimmo to say I would come over for dinner tonight. He said (in Italian, of course) that his friend would be joining us.
“What friend?” I asked him.
“The one I told you about,” he replied. He was talking about the girl he’s been dating, the one he made it sound like he wasn’t all that involved with. He told me over the phone a few weeks ago that he had told her I was his “grande amore,” and that when I came here, he would be seeing me. I can’t imagine any woman taking that very well.
I said, “Mimmo, are you crazy? I don’t want to have dinner with your girlfriend. You and I haven’t even talked, and I’ve never met her.” Then he said she had wanted to come (I’ll bet) and that he couldn’t really tell her she couldn’t. I was kind of flabbergasted, so I just said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll come another night.”
He said to come for lunch tomorrow, but I told him I was going to Bad Tölz with Farrah to see Dr. Kiehling. I hung up, kind of surprised and disappointed, but what else is new? Honest to God, it seems I always get disappointed by men. I suppose I wanted it all on my terms. After all, he was my distraction from what I’m going through with Farrah. Maybe it’s better this way. I can just write, and read, and spend time with Farrah. I keep remembering Dr. Vogl’s solemn words: “Spend all the time you can with her.” Everything happens for a reason.
February 25, 2009
Farrah looked and sounded much better, although she was in some pain from the surgery yesterday. The pain got worse as the day went on, so they gave her a lot of pain medication, and she went to sleep early tonight.
February 26, 2009
I couldn’t sleep. I’ve woken up about every three hours. I kept thinking about the Mimmo thing. There’s another woman in Mimmo’s life and, frankly, it bothers me. Why can’t I just be happy for him? It’s better for him to have a German girlfriend who is here all the time. He needs someone in his life so he’s not always alone with his dog. I guess I’m just being selfish and I need to pray about it; that I can open my heart and be happy for him.
What I seem to be getting hit over the head with is a lesson in “ego” and letting go. Everything has to change in life, but I, being a Taurus, cling to people and situations until my fingernails bleed. I hate change! It scares me. Always has. Yet everything is changing so rapidly around me these days. My best friend no longer resembles the Farrah I’ve always known and she’s fighting for her life. And my own life continues to be in flux and filled with uncertainty. I feel like there’s no foundation underneath me anymore.
February 28, 2009
A story came out in the Daily Mirror in London and was printed here yesterday saying that Farrah is dying. I had to speak to a journalist here that Dr. Jacob knows and also to someone from Entertainment Tonight who called me.
“Of course it’s not true,” I told them. “She’s here for her usual treatments and we’re finishing the documentary.” I said that this was another example of irresponsible journalism, and that if she were dying, wouldn’t Ryan and her son be here with her? The scary part is that I’m afraid, at some point, it’s going to be true. I’m walking a fine line. I don’t want to be untruthful with anyone, but Farrah is not dying at this moment. I can’t share with the journalists the fears that are deep in my heart. I have to share my optimism. We’re keeping all of this away from Farrah. She doesn’t need to be upset by any of this negative publicity.
March 3, 2009
Today Dr. Jacob came in with Farrah’s reports