My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [74]
Ryan and I also filmed an interview with Redmond that we hope to put in the documentary, because he needs to be seen as who he really is: a very sweet, smart kid with a drug problem, not some messed-up criminal. My heart went out to him. How it must feel to see his mother like this and to have to go back to jail. We’re hoping he’ll be transferred to the Impact Program for addicts at Wayside and not sent to prison, which it seems is still a very real possibility. After we filmed, I made him some bacon and scrambled eggs and had a nice talk with him. It’s the first time I’ve seen him sober and clean in so long. It was bizarre, because the lady sheriff stayed in the small kitchen with us, and actually we all ended up having a really good conversation. She told him it was up to him now to change his life. I’m sure that’s what everyone says, but it was interesting coming from her. She seemed to have a real understanding of drug addiction and was surprisingly compassionate. Funny, as she stood there in her brown uniform, her arms crossed and her gun at her side.
April 27, 2009
I went over to Farrah’s. Ryan was there. We were lying on the bed, and when I said I needed to go home to feed my dogs, she said, so clearly, “Do you have to go? This is so much fun.”
I said, “No, I don’t have to go. I’ll stay.” I got her to eat a few bites of food, but not much. She said, again, “This is fun.” I wonder if she’s remembering the fun we used to have, the good times. Farrah was more awake and alert than I’ve seen her in quite a while. Then she started to feel some pain and asked for her pain medication and was soon sleeping. Sweet dreams, honey.
April 30, 2009
Everything is moving really quickly. I’m feeling scared and overwhelmed with all the work in front of us. Ryan and I have to do the Today show on Monday, satellite interviews, People magazine, and this screening at the Paley Center. It’s all happened at once and I’m terrified. It all seems surreal, the documentary coming out when Farrah is so ill. It feels like maybe it’s disrespectful of her condition, but I guess at this point we can’t stop it. NBC had already committed to an air date. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The story was meant to have a different ending. Farrah should be doing the Today show, not me and Ryan.
May 1, 2009
I went to see Farrah tonight. She was more awake and coherent for a little while. She smiled when she saw me. I told her how much I missed her the last two days and that the reason I hadn’t come was because I was sick. I told her I’d made macaroni and cheese and chicken matzo ball soup, and she lit up. I also told her Dr. Jacob was coming with this new antibody and that she had to keep her faith. She took my hand and said, “Maybe this will turn everything around.” I lay with her for a while after she had her pain medication and read to her from Science and Health, the Christian Science book by Mary Baker Eddy. I read her a couple of prayers, which she liked, and then some stories of healing that people had experienced from just reading the book. She listened and seemed to really like it. I’m going to try to do that every day now. I’m starting to just see her in God’s light and love and believe that there can be a miracle. I can’t see her as dying, no matter what the medical world says. I realized that I, of all people, can’t give up on her yet. Maybe I’m in denial, but I have to practice this new belief that I’m reading about, the power of God to do what might to human eyes seem impossible.
May 7, 2009
Ryan and I got the cut of the show and watched it at my house because it wouldn’t work in any of Farrah’s machines. We both thought it was pretty good, and we made notes, but nothing major. Afterward, we went back to Farrah’s.