My Journey with Farrah - Alana Stewart [87]
I have learned that you must live life fully and appreciate every precious minute. Your life can change in the blink of an eye; you never know what tomorrow holds, so you have to stay in the present. I’ve spent so much time regretting the past or fearing the future that I’ve rarely enjoyed just being here in the moment. I think of all the times when my kids have called and I’ve been in a rush and I didn’t give them my full attention. Or when I’ve been too tired to cook a Sunday family dinner. Or when my dogs came to me, tails wagging, longing for my affection, and I gave them a quick pat as I dashed out the door. Moments I can never retrieve. I know now that you must cherish the people you love and spend all the time that you can with them—quality time.
A therapist once told me that he’d been with many people when they died and never once, in their last moments, did anyone talk about how many Ferraris they had owned or how many houses they had or how much money they had accumulated. He said it was always about how much they had loved or been loved. He said that love is all you remember; love is all that counts.
Being with Farrah these past several years has opened my heart and taught me the meaning of unconditional love in a way I haven’t experienced since my children were born. And as I’ve watched my beautiful friend slip away, I’ve realized how important it is not only to open your heart and love deeply and fully but to tell the people you love how much they mean to you. I’m so glad I had the chance to do that with Farrah before the end. I only wish I had told her more often. Friendship with a woman is right up there with your relationship with your mate and your children. Maybe there was a time in my past when I wasn’t always the best friend I could be, but from now on I will be. I realize the value and importance of it, and what a gift a true friend is.
Something else I’ve learned from my journey with Farrah is that we all have a source of inner strength to call upon, no matter what difficulties we may be facing. During this time with her, I’ve found myself in circumstances where I felt momentarily terrified—completely unequipped to face what was before me. I’ve had to dig down deep and find that inner strength that we all have. I believe that it comes from a Higher Power or God or whatever one chooses to call this force greater than we are. Now I know that this source gives me strength and courage to face whatever challenges may arise.
I’ve spent so much of my life in fear; mostly about my children or my future. Farrah was not a fearful person. She faced life head-on, and even though there were times she was obviously afraid, she did what she had to do with courage and dignity. David Kessler, a wonderful writer and motivational speaker, once said something in one of his talks that has stuck with me forever: “Fear doesn’t stop you from dying; it stops you from living.”
In going on this journey with Farrah I made a conscious decision: to put my friend’s needs before my own; to put my problems on the back burner and to focus on what I had to do to help her. It’s the oldest spiritual principle in the world. Kabbalah says that the only path to true joy and fulfillment is by becoming a being of sharing; it’s more than just doing good deeds—it’s a shift in consciousness. A shift from “What’s in it for me?” to “How can I be of service?” From “What can I get?” to “What can I give?”
When I did this, something remarkable happened: my life transformed and many of my problems were solved; the Universe worked them out for me in ways I had never dreamed possible. I was talking to our friend Mela the other day and saying that I felt guilty that good things were happening in my life while we were losing Farrah. She said, “No, that’s not it at all. This is what Farrah would have wanted for you. Maybe somehow she’s had a hand in all this. It’s her gift to you.” I know she was right.
I started out wanting to “save” my friend. I wasn’t successful—none of us was. And it will sadden me forever. Yet she’s saved me in so many