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By Root 377 0

for the better part of two years! At first, I didn’t really know what to say, so I took my mentor’s advice, and it proved to be one of the most liberating risks I’ve ever taken. I asked my former friend to bring a written list of what he felt I did to wrong him. His list was more like an essay; he had fifteen or twenty items written down! I then asked him to go line by line down the list. As he shared with me each thing that was bothering him, I tried to see it through his perspective. Then I swallowed my pride and apologized for each thing. It was not easy, but tying up this loose end was absolutely worth it.

By the end of his list, it was clear to both of us that every issue he brought up hinged on one thing: He felt that I had abandoned him at his most difficult time. He was right. When he needed me the most, I was not there. I was too concerned about how his crisis would affect my own reputation. He eventually got through that mess, but we never reconnected.

That afternoon, my old friend and I talked through all our unresolved issues. We agreed that we each had a very different interpretation of what led us apart. This agreement evaporated the tension between us. He hadn’t understood my motives, and I hadn’t understood the extent of his situation. Not talking only made it worse.

I felt so much better after tying up this first loose end that I immediately set up meetings with all my other ones. To my surprise, they all agreed to meet with me. At the end of my mentor’s challenge to tie up my loose ends, I got three old friends back. I also reconnected with a former mentor. Most freeing, I no longer worry about running into an ex-girlfriend who I thought held a grudge against me. Turns out, she just wanted to know if we could be friends.

Tying up my loose ends showed me how two people can leave one past experience with two totally different perspectives. This difference in perspectives can lead to two totally different emotional reactions. This is especially true when other unspoken issues lie under the surface. Making the effort to tie up my loose ends showed me that, with a little effort, most people are forgiving. I also learned how great it feels to go anywhere and not worry about running into someone you don’t want to see!

TURN YOUR PAST INTO A BRIGHTER FUTURE

Twenty-six-year-old Randy will never forget the day his high school guidance counselor told him he wasn’t college material. She said with his grades and attitude he should focus on getting a job and be happy with whatever he got, because it was the best he could hope for. Rather than heed her advice, he transferred to an alternative high school, earned his diploma, and then enrolled in a local community college.

Five years and three colleges later, Randy—the hardheaded kid who was told he wasn’t college material—graduated college on the dean’s list. He is now a twenty-six-year-old manager of a health-care clinic. Instead of sitting around resenting his high school counselor’s shortsighted advice, he has turned his past into something positive. Now he makes a point of hiring young people who can’t get a job because of their lackluster grades. He realizes that if you give people like him a chance they just might surprise you!

Give your future a chance by facing your past—and choosing to turn it into a strength. After all, your past made you who you are, and it gives you the power to choose who you are determined to become.

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INSTANT MESSAGE

Don’t run from your past. Use it to fuel your future.

Once you add perspective to your past, you can learn its lessons.

Tie up your loose ends, and you free your future.

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BOUNCED: My past determines my future.

CASHED: I can put my past to work to create the future I want.

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ONLINE: Watch Lindsay share about dealing with her past at www.myrealitycheckbounced.com/book

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8

CHECK YOUR EXCUSES AT THE DOOR

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You can create excuses or you can create solutions, but you can’t create both at the same time.

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REALITY-CHECK MOMENT:

BUT LIFE’S JUST