My Reality Check Bounced! - Jason Ryan Dorsey [68]
5. Keep the faith. Doubt empowers fear, faith destroys doubt. Believe in your dreams with all your heart and you can walk through your scariest fear.
FACE OF FEAR 2: FEAR OF REJECTION
Fear of rejection can do even more damage to your spirit than fear of failure because when you fear rejection you can’t ask for help! Until you confront the fear of rejection, you risk rejecting your dreams in an effort to avoid rejection. You must conquer this fear before your fantasy of feeling alone becomes your reality. The world has plenty of loving, accepting, kind people who are ready and willing to help you if you will only ask.
Typical Fear of Rejection Statement: I’m too scared to speak in front of a group.
Fear In Action:
Juanita always wanted to be a youth minister. The problem is she was terrified of public speaking. She was afraid the audience might not understand her accent (she was born in Mexico) or that they would question her knowledge. Because of these fears she would never volunteer to lead the youth worship at her church. One Sunday, the regular youth minister got sick at the last minute and asked her to step in and lead the service. It went so well that one week later she was named assistant youth minister!
To get past fear of rejection, you must see that rejection is not about you. This may sound corny, but it’s true. Rejection never comes from you—it always comes from someone else. Rejection is always about the other person or organization deciding you’re not the right fit for him, his needs, or his objectives.
People or groups that reject you do so based on their past experiences and current biases. This has nothing to do with who you are or what makes you special. This has everything to do with what has and has not worked for them. You simply don’t fit into someone else’s beliefs of what works for him.
When someone rejects you, for whatever reason, you have a choice. You can either change yourself to fit his criteria, or you can continue being who you are.
If you do change to fit someone else’s desires, be sure the change doesn’t betray your core identity. If it does, at some point, your true self will break through your charade. If you’re not willing to change to fit other people’s wishes, then you’re destined to face even more rejection. Why? Because when you live for what makes you feel most alive and happy, you’re bound to make people with a different view feel uncomfortable! Your attitude and ideas will make them feel nervous, threatened, jealous, or insecure.
When these people reject you, remember: Not everyone will like you the way you are, but for these people it’s their loss.
As long as you stay true to who you are and what makes you happy, you have the most important acceptance of all.
When you’re ready to face your fear of rejection, your approach should be similar to that of your fear of failure. Choose to separate who you are from those who rejected you. This allows you to stay true to who you are and live for what most brings meaning to your life.
Here are some examples of how to separate yourself from rejection:
• If you apply for admission to an exclusive graduate program and are denied, you were not a failure; your application was. Find a program that wants you the way you are or learn from the experience and apply again.
• If you ask someone to go on a date and you get turned down, you were not a failure; your technique was. Decide whether you really want to go out with that person. If you do, try a different technique to get a different result.
• If you apply for a business loan from your bank and are rejected, you were not a failure; your business plan was. Determine if you actually need the loan; if so, improve your business plan and apply for the loan at three other banks.
Distancing who you are from those who reject you