a penny on me, not a single penny! Well, that was a valid reason, there was no denying it, and, as it happened, the lady didn’t have any money on her either, not a penny. And so, there we stand, eyeing one another and laughing at our predicament. But then she hits on a way out. Casting a glance up at some houses, she says, ‘Wait a minute! Stay here a moment, I have a friend in that house, on the second floor, she can get us some money!’ And with that my lady rushes off. She was gone for several minutes, and all that time I was suffering the worst torments imaginable. What on earth was I to do when she came back with the money? I just couldn’t enter that pastry shop, with that terribly bright light and all those ladies and gentlemen! I would be thrown out at once and find myself in an even worse pickle. I had to clench my teeth and ask her to do me the favor of going in by herself, and I would wait for her. After another few minutes my lady returned. She was very pleased, well, downright delighted, while saying only that her friend hadn’t been home, which was just as well, all things considered; she could easily hold out another few minutes, it would take a mere quarter of an hour at most before she could sit down for supper in her own house. She also apologized for having kept me waiting. I was as happy as could be, though I was the one who was soaked to the skin and suffered hardship during the walk. But now comes the best part—well, perhaps you’ve already guessed? Yes, I positively believe you’ve already guessed the conclusion, but I’ll tell you anyway. Only this year, in 1891, did it dawn on me what a dumb ox I’d really been. Considering the whole episode afresh, I discovered the most profound significance in one trifle after another : the lady didn’t walk up any stairs, she hadn’t been on the second floor anywhere. Thinking back over it, I can recall she opened a connecting door to the backyard and slipped through it, and I suspect she returned from the backyard by the very same door, slipping quietly through. What does that prove? Nothing, of course. But wasn’t it curious, though, that she didn’t go up to the second floor but rather into the backyard? Heh-heh-heh, you understand this perfectly well, I see, but I didn’t catch on until 1891, three years later. You don’t harbor a suspicion, do you, that I contrived the whole thing in advance, dragged out the walk as long as possible to press the lady to the utmost? In particular, that I couldn’t tear myself away from a petrified cave hyena in a museum but went back to it three times, all the while keeping an eye on the young lady so that she couldn’t possibly slip out into some backyard? Of course, you don’t have any such suspicion, do you? I won’t deny that a man might be so perverse that he would prefer to suffer, even wet himself from the waist down, rather than forgo the mysterious satisfaction of seeing a lovely young lady writhe in agony. But, as I’ve said, it dawned on me only this year, three years after the incident took place. Heh-heh-heh, well, what do you think?”9
Pause. Nagel drank and continued. “Now, you may ask what this story has to do with you and me and the bachelor party. To be sure, my good friend, it has nothing whatever to do with it. But I decided to tell it to you anyway, to show my stupidity concerning the human soul. Alas, the human soul! For instance, what do you make of the fact that, the other morning, I catch myself—catch me, Johan Nilsen Nagel—walking in front of Consul Andresen’s house up there on the hill, wondering how high, or how low, the ceiling might be in his living room? What do you make of it? But here again we have—if I may so express it—the human soul. No trifle is irrelevant to it, everything is meaningful.... How would you feel, say, if one night, coming home late from some meeting or expedition having to do with your lawful business, you suddenly bump into a man who stands at a street corner watching you, turning his head to keep you in sight as you pass, all the while simply staring at you without a word? Suppose, further,