Naamah's Blessing - Jacqueline Carey [78]
“I wouldn’t!” I protested. “I would not put a child in such a position.”
He inclined his head. “You’ve been very careful to shield the young princess from the politics at stake here.”
I sighed. “I hate this.”
“I hate it, too.” The sorrow in my father’s green eyes made my heart ache. “Believe me, Moirin, I am more than a little angry at the gods myself today. They have already asked so much of you.”
“Don’t be.” I shook my head. “I fear I brought this on myself. Whatever happened in Terra Nova, I believe it is somehow connected to the summonings I helped the Circle of Shalomon perform.”
“I don’t see how it could be,” he said.
“Neither do I.” I touched my chest, feeling my diadh-anam flicker inside me. “And yet I am sure of it. If I had not been such a love-struck idiot, this would not have happened. Like my ancestors, I believed what I wished to believe. I failed to discern the will of the Maghuin Dhonn Herself.” I smiled ruefully. “And attempting to set matters right is the price I must pay for my mistake.”
“ ’Tis a steep one,” my father murmured.
“It was a pretty big mistake,” Bao said, shrugging at the surprised look my father gave him. “Well, it was! They nearly set loose a demon that wanted to wreak havoc on the world and slaughter as many people as possible.”
“But that catastrophe was averted, was it not?”
Bao shrugged again. “Thanks to me and Master Lo.”
“We set something loose.” Once again, I remembered the faint lightning flash I’d last glimpsed in Raphael de Mereliot’s stormy grey eyes, and gave myself a little shake. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t see what possible connection there is between the events; but then, we’ve no idea what happened in Terra Nova. Mayhap I’m wrong. After all, I was wrong before. Even so, I would still have to go. I swore an oath, and my lady Jehanne tells me this is the only way to keep it.”
My father didn’t argue. “Don’t wait overlong to discuss it with the young princess,” he said instead. “Someone’s bound to slip and gossip in front of her. Best she hear it from your own lips.”
“If someone hasn’t already told her,” Bao muttered.
“I suspect my lord Rogier would do his best to prevent it,” my father said. “For his own reasons.”
“Why?” I asked.
“He thinks you’re bound to fail,” he said simply. “That way, when her highness Desirée’s hopes are dashed, it will be the two of you, and no one else, who raised them; and she will blame you for it accordingly.”
“Then why would you urge us to—?” I began, puzzled. “Oh!”
Bao grinned. “He doesn’t think we’ll fail.”
My father smiled his quiet smile. “ ’Tis a considerable test of faith, especially when one is angry at the gods. But that gets to the very heart of faith, does it not? Here and in Alba, I will pray, and I will have faith that the gods are merciful and will answer my prayers. Wherever your fate takes you, whatever you find in Terra Nova, know that I will be here, keeping the flame of faith alight, believing that you will succeed.”
“Don’t cry, Moirin,” Bao warned me. “You’ve cried enough.”
“Oh, shut up.” I returned my father’s smile through tears. “Thank you. Surely, that will give me courage in dark times.”
He kissed my brow. “I am glad.”
TWENTY-NINE
On the morrow, Bao and I broke the news to Desirée.
It was difficult.
In the first place, Tristan de Barthelme was there in the nursery when we arrived, and insisted on remaining present for the conversation, refusing our polite request for privacy. “The Regency of House Barthelme is responsible for her highness’ well-being,” he informed us with fourteen-year-old hauteur. “I am here at my father’s wishes.” He turned to Desirée and held out his hand to her, his voice turning soft and coaxing. “Besides, you want me here, don’t you, ducky?”
She nodded, taking his hand.
Swallowing my ire, I knelt before her. “Do you remember how I’ve spoken of your mother, dear heart?”
Desirée nodded again, her blue-grey eyes wide as she listened.
I