Naamah's Curse - Jacqueline Carey [118]
In the bedchamber, I closed the door and latched it. Aleksei glanced around the sunlit room. “It does seem very bright.”
“Too bright?”
He shook his head. “No. I will not hide from this.”
I fetched one of the tallow candles we had purchased earlier that day. It took several tries to kindle it with the flint striker.
“What’s that for?”
“An offering to Naamah.” I smiled at him. “It should be incense, but I thought you’d take it amiss if I stole some from a temple.”
“Like as not.” Aleksei tried to smile back at me, but it came out as an anxious grimace, tension beginning to war with desire in him. He took another deep breath, shuddering as he exhaled. “What… what am I supposed to be doing, Moirin? You will have to tell me.”
“Nothing, sweet boy.” I laid one hand on his chest. “I am going to pray to Naamah. If you like, you may pray with me.”
“I don’t think I can,” he said earnestly. “But I will keep you company if you like.”
“That would be nice.” After removing my shoes, I knelt on the wooden floor, sitting on my heels and fixing my gaze on the candle- flame, barely visible in the bright daylight. Aleksei knelt beside me, quiet and still, doing his best to contain his nerves.
I prayed.
As strongly as I felt Naamah’s presence in the gift that Aleksei and I shared, it took a long time before I was able to sense her will. I had sought to seduce Aleksei toward my own ends; I carried a burden of resentment that I had failed, a burden of resentment toward his uncle and his aunt; and aye, a lingering burden of resentment toward God and his son Yeshua.
I had to let go of those things, offer them up.
I did.
The bright lady smiled, but she remained silent. I concentrated on the flickering candle-flame, willing my heart to be open and my ears to hear.
“You wished this, O brightest of goddesses,” I whispered in Alban, reverting to the tongue of my birth. “Will you not grant your blessing to this hurt and damaged child of yours? I offer myself as your vessel.”
When it came, it came in a rush, a sense of Naamah’s grace settling over me like a cloak of sunlight, like an embrace, like the tenderest of kisses, making my heart ache, setting the doves to fluttering in my belly. She was here, present between us. I drew a shaking breath, tears filling my eyes, words filling my mouth.
“Aleksei…”
He nodded, wordless.
I laid my hand on his chest again, spreading my fingers, feeling his strong, young heart pounding beneath my touch. “What you carry is no curse, but a gift. Like any gift, it can be used for good or evil. If you use it wisely and kindly, it will bring only joy, and never sorrow. Trust your heart to guide you. Take your shame, and offer it to God. Let him burn it away until only what is pure remains.”
Naamah’s grace expanded, encompassing Aleksei. He caught his breath, a single, gasping sob escaping him.
I didn’t understand, not wholly. But her words were meant for him, not me. “Is all well?” I asked.
“Yes.” Wonder dawned in his blue, blue eyes. “Oh, yes!”
“Good.” I shifted, straddling his knees. “I am going to kiss you now.”
Aleksei smiled through his tears. “Do you think you need to warn me?”
I nodded. “I do.”
Leaning forward, I cupped his face in my hands. He closed his eyes, tears trickling beneath his lashes. I brushed them away with my thumbs, kissed the salty trails they left behind on his skin. I kissed his warm, firm lips until I felt them soften, and parted them with the tip of my tongue, letting it touch his.
He jerked back, eyes open and wide. “Is that… customary?”
I laughed softly. “Yes. Did you not like it?”
“I… don’t know.” Aleksei looked at me with that extraordinary earnestness. “Will you do it again, please?”
I kissed him again. This time, his lips parted more readily. I let my tongue slip between them, finding his and teasing it, coaxing and retreating. I let my hands slide upward into his damp,