Naamah's Curse - Jacqueline Carey [181]
“Oh, yes.” I kissed the graceful curve of her bare shoulder, gleaming in the lamplight. There were still a thousand fears and worries pressing me, but in this moment, Amrita’s presence held them at bay. “If there is room in the world for love, there is room for hope. Although mayhap you will have to be more fearful of Kamadeva’s diamond now,” I teased her.
“Do not even think it!” She tapped my lips in reproach. “I could never have done this if I did not care for you, Moirin. Never.”
“I know.” I caught her hand and kissed that, too. “I know the difference between kindness and genuine desire, my lady. And I am very, very grateful.”
“Yes, I know,” Amrita said humorously. “You do not need to demonstrate it again. I am a little worn out by your gratitude.” She fell silent, thinking. Sensing her mood shift, I kept my own silence. “I think perhaps Jagrati may have said more than one true thing,” she said presently. “What she said about the way the world treats those unfortunate ones born outside of a caste… they were harsh words, but they have stayed with me.” She glanced at me. “I have not forgotten what you said about ambitious men attempting to shape the gods to serve their own ends. And I do not think you would disagree with what Jagrati said to me.”
“No,” I murmured. “I don’t. But that does not give her the right to become a monster, treating the lives of others as playthings to be stolen or destroyed.”
“No, but it tells us something about how the monster was made,” Amrita said. “And perhaps we must take some responsibility for it.” She frowned a little. “There was a sadhu in Galanka when I was a girl, a holy man who had renounced all things of the world, who refused to shun the untouchables. I wonder if he is still there, and if there are others like him.”
“Yeshua ben Yosef went among folk you would reckon unclean and tended to them,” I offered. It was one of the things Aleksei had taught me. “Lepers, beggars.”
“So did your D’Angeline gods when they passed through Bhodistan. I remember my father discussing it with an ambassador, for he sent me away when he caught me listening.” She sat upright and began winding her hair into a knot. “I have been thinking, trying to make sense of our failure, Moirin. Five men slain, and for nothing! I was certain that the gods sent you to me for a reason—”
“So was I, my lady,” I said. “And I am so very sorry—”
“Hush.” Amrita touched my lips again, gently this time. “Let me finish, young goddess. I was also certain that I knew the reason, that it was to rid the world of the Falconer and his Spider Queen. But perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps that was not it at all, and Jagrati’s harsh words were part of the message I was meant to hear. What do you think?”
I gazed at her beautiful face, my heart feeling very full. “My lady Amrita, I cannot say. I only know for sure that if I were a Bhodistani god with a message of compassion to deliver, I could choose no one better in the world than you to hear it. However…” I glanced toward the balcony, and saw that it was fully dark outside. “There is still the matter of the Falconer’s assassins, and I think it would be best if you went to the hidden room now, and we talk more in the morning.”
“You will be all right?” she inquired.
I nodded. “I have Ravindra’s bells to warn me, and the twilight to protect me.”
“Very well, then.” Amrita smiled. “I hope your sleep is peaceful.”
I smiled back at her. “I daresay it will be.”
For a mercy, it was. After I had helped Amrita dress and seen her safely into the custody of her guardsmen, I returned to my bed, which smelled of flowers, spices, and love-making. The bright lady was pleased, and so was I. I didn’t think Amrita understood how great a gift she had given me. It wasn’t just that she had quenched the fire of yearning that Kamadeva’s diamond had ignited in me. I was Naamah’s child, and I needed love and aye, pleasure, almost as much as food and water.
Until tonight, I hadn’t known how starved I was.
Tomorrow, I thought,