Naamah's Curse - Jacqueline Carey [86]
“This is not you,” Aleksei said stubbornly. “It is only Naamah’s curse talking, trying to sway me.”
“There is no curse!” I shouted.
He ignored me, pulling up the stool. “I will read to you. What would you like to hear today? I’ll let you choose.”
“I don’t care.” I sighed, losing my will to antagonize him. “Do you know, the Maghuin Dhonn have no written language?”
He frowned. “Why not?”
“Because knowledge is a living thing.” I leaned against the wall of my cell, rubbing my sore knees. “I knew the name of every plant and tree that grew in our woods. I knew which were good to eat, which were good for other purposes, which were to be avoided. I knew when they came into season, and how to recognize signs of rot or taint. I knew the habits of every creature that shared our woods, how to track and hunt them, or merely to spy on them with delight, like a fox playing with her kits. It is a living knowledge that changes with the seasons. The whole of it could never have been confined to writing.”
“But a written record could be a useful tool, could it not?” Aleksei asked with genuine curiosity.
I shrugged. “Yes and no. When I first learned such a thing as writing existed, I thought it a fine kind of magic. But folk come to rely on the record, and ignore the living truth before their eyes.” I pointed at the book in his hands. “What happens when there are errors in the record?”
His color rose. “Now you are baiting me again. Come, Moirin. If you won’t choose, I will.”
I closed my eyes. “Read what you like, Aleksei. I don’t care. I’m tired. I hate this place. I hate your uncle. I hate your aunt. I hate your mean-spirited God and his precious son Yeshua.”
“You don’t mean that!”
“Today, I do.” I shrugged again. “Why shouldn’t I? Everything I am is hateful to them.”
Aleksei was silent long enough that I opened my eyes again and glanced at him. He wore an uncertain look that gave way to one of determination. “Wait,” he said to me, getting to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”
Since I had no choice, I waited.
He left and returned a few moments later with another book in his hands—a different one, a slender volume.
“Here.” He presented it to me.
I glanced at it without interest. The title was etched on the leather binding in the Vralian alphabet. “I cannot read it.”
“It’s not what it says it is.” Aleksei hunkered on the stool, watching me with a grave look. “Inside, it’s written in D’Angeline script. You… ah, can you read your native tongue, Moirin?”
“Yes.” I scowled a bit. “I am no scholar like Phèdre nó Delaunay, who could likely recite your bedamned scriptures to you backward and forward in the original Habiru, but I can read. And D’Angeline is not my native tongue, by the way.”
“I’m sorry.” He flushed. “Who is Phèdre nó Delaunay?”
“The D’Angeline courtesan who sought out and found the Name of God? You don’t know that story?” I asked. He shook his head. “I’ll have to tell it to you,” I said absently, opening the book he had given me. “Among other things, it suggests that perhaps you do not know your God as well as you think.” I glanced at the inner title page. “This is the priest’s book about Berlik.”
“Yes,” Aleksei murmured. “I took it from my mother’s hiding place.”
I was intrigued, especially given the Patriarch’s aversion to the book. “You said you found it dangerous.”
“Yes.” Although his rangy, long-limbed figure was hunched and awkward, his blue gaze was clear and steady. “But… I think what you are feeling now is dangerous, too. You are giving in to hatred and anger, straying farther and farther from grace. And though I am loath to question my uncle’s judgment in any way, I do not think he understands your need for, um…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Love.”
“Love,” I echoed.
Aleksei nodded. “The Rebbe Avraham ben David found much to love in your people, Moirin. Both in the magician Berlik and the D’Angeline prince Imriel who delivered him into martyrdom. I hope… I hope that perhaps his words will find a path to your heart, and you will allow yourself to accept God’s love, and learn to love him and