Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey [121]
"I didn't…" I couldn't finish the sentence. Dizziness was beginning to overwhelm me—whether from the prolonged encounter or the charm the spirit had placed in my thoughts, I couldn't say.
I know. The lion showed the tips of its incisors. You'd better go while there's still some of you left. Tell your comrades not to bother summoning me again. I'm not bound to answer as a man queries I've answered as a beast.
Marbas roared again and cast me out of the twilight.
* * *
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
I didn't tell Raphael about the gift Marbas had given me. I couldn't.
For one thing, I was days in recovery this time and lacked the strength to talk. Raphael tended me himself. I woke a few times to see his worried face, then drifted back into sleep. When I finally woke for good, I felt a hollowed out shell of myself. Raphael sprang to my bedside.
"Moirin?"
"Aye." My voice was raspy and frail.
He gave me water and felt at my pulse. His hair hung lank and unwashed, there were dark shadows under his eyes, and he looked nearly as bad as I felt.
That's when the guilt hit me.
I'd been offered the gift he wanted so badly and I had refused it. I'd refused it because it came with a poisonous taint, and I didn't trust the Circle of Shalomon with such deadly knowledge. Not even Raphael.
I couldn't tell him.
"No more." Having satisfied himself that I wasn't about to expire, he gave my hand a firm squeeze. "I've told the Circle that we'll have to continue without you."
A topaz jewel nestled in my thoughts. I took a sip of water. "How do they mean to proceed?"
Raphael stroked my hair. "You needn't concern yourself."
I pushed myself upright and drank more water, clearing the hoarseness from my throat. "Just tell me."
He hesitated. "We're of two minds. Some want to try to summon Marbas again, reckoning it will be easier since he's already been bound once. Claire and Orien are working to perfect the conjuration to force him to take human form. Others among us want to summon the lesser spirit Caim."
"Marbas has already answered you as a beast," I said. "He's not bound to reply a second time as a man."
Raphael nodded. "I suspected as much. So did Lianne. It's much the same trick Valac played. Cairn's gift is the speech of birds and beasts and all living creatures." A spark lit his tired eyes. "'Twould be a wondrous gift."
"And one that once mastered would prevent them from tricking you thusly again," I observed.
"Exactly." He refilled my cup with cool water and handed it back to me. "But you're not to take part in it."
"I'm not a child, Raphael." I sipped the water slowly. Relentless guilt gnawed at me. I was keeping too many secrets from him. "Give me one more chance. If I could win but one gift for you, to my way of thinking this would be a passing fine one. The world would be a kinder place for it." I gave him a weary smile. "Although D'Angelines might cease to hunt for sport if they knew their prey's terror."
"That wouldn't be such a bad thing," he murmured. "Moirin… you're sure?"
"I am," I said with as much firmness as I could muster.
Raphael knelt beside my bed and lowered his head like a penitent, lashes veiling his eyes. "I should refuse you."
I touched his strong jawline. "But you won't."
His lashes swept up. His gaze was filled with weariness and hope. "One last attempt. After this, no more."
"No more," I agreed.
He kissed me. "I'll tell the Circle."
It was almost a week before I felt strong enough to return to the City and resume my lessons with Master Lo Feng. There had been a cold snap while I was recuperating. The ground was frozen hard and there were only a few brittle brown leaves clinging to the trees. This time we met in a small courtyard at the Academy. Bao had already spread the mats around a small, ornate brazier. Neither of them seemed to feel the cold. I was wearing a fine new cloak that Benoit Vallon had designed for me—thick, luxuriant sable velvet lined with gold silk. I wrapped it around me and shivered.
Master Lo Feng gave me a long, long look, but he didn't reprimand