Naamah's Kiss - Jacqueline Carey [165]
Raphael sat on the flagstones, Claire Fourcay's head in his lap, his head bowed over her lifeless figure.
The King's guardsmen glanced at one another, helpless and confused.
"I'm sorry," I said to Master Lo Feng. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't find a way to tell you."
He folded his hands into his sleeves. "Be grateful your Queen was wise enough to do so."
King Daniel entered the chamber, his face taut with fury. His guardsmen stood at attention. He was imposing in his anger. He spoke to Denis de Toluard in a low voice, and then to Lianne Tremaine. I saw the latter wince, then incline her head in acceptance. I suspected the youngest King's Poet in history had been stripped of her title.
He stood before Raphael. When he spoke, his voice was wintry. "De Mereliot."
Raphael shifted Claire's body with tender care and rose. "We broke no laws, your majesty," he said in a dull tone.
The King regarded him with contempt. "I have no words for you."
And then he came to me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, repeating myself. I was weary beyond telling. Only Bao's strong hand under my elbow kept me upright. "So sorry, your majesty. I failed you, I failed my lady. I failed everyone."
"Not in the end, child," he said with a gentleness I didn't deserve. "Come, let's get you home. Jehanne's sick with worry."
Home.
Home sounded like a wonderful notion. Once it had been a cave, warm and snug and safe. Now it was a bower at the Palace. All I wanted to do was fall into bed beneath the overhanging ferns and sleep for days, then awake to apologize a thousand times and find absolution in Jehanne's arms.
But I had to confront Raphael.
To his credit, he met my gaze without flinching. And I found that like the King, I had no words for him. Instead, I stooped and touched Claire Fourcay's cheek. Her skin was still warm. Her motives may have been tainted, but at least I could understand them. I'd been just as foolish. I should never have let Raphael use me in the first place. Once upon a time, I'd wanted so much for him to care for me.
"Moirin." His voice was hoarse. "Lest it need saying, I release you from your oath of silence. And—"
I straightened and found a word worth saying. "Good-bye."
Raphael nodded and said nothing more.
He stayed behind when we left. All the members of the Circle stayed. And although a large part of me hoped I never saw any of them again, I couldn't help but glance behind one last time as we left the chamber. Raphael was watching me. For a second, I thought I saw a faint spark of lightning in his grey eyes; then I blinked and it was gone, leaving only guilt and abiding sorrow in its place.
I shuddered.
Never in my life had I been so glad to see the sky. I breathed deeply with no particular art, just filling my lungs with clean air. After what had transpired, it seemed like it should have been the dead of night, but it was still morning.
"Can you ride?" King Daniel asked me gently. "I'll commandeer a carriage if you're not strong enough."
"I'll manage." I swallowed. "You shouldn't be so kind to me, your majesty. I'm as guilty as any of them."
He was silent a moment. "Raphael de Mereliot spoke the truth," he said at length. "You broke no laws. And it is in my thoughts that mayhap if I had not governed so cautiously, if I had given my people somewhat greater to strive for and dream about, these few would not have been driven to such lengths in search of glory."
"Mayhap," I murmured.
"One is never given to know such things," he mused. "Such is the burden of rule. But I do hold you less to blame, Moirin. For all your uncanny ways, you're young and inexperienced. De Mereliot forced your hand cruelly; and even so, you found a way around your oath. Still, I heard him release you from it, and I expect you to give a full accounting of this business, holding