Native Son - Richard Wright [132]
The preacher knelt upon the concrete floor and closed his eyes. Bigger clamped his teeth and flexed his muscles; he knew what was coming.
“Lawd Jesus, turn Yo’ eyes ’n’ look inter the heart of this po’ sinner! Yuh said mercy wuz awways Yo’s ’n’ ef we ast fer it on bended knee Yuh’d po’ it out inter our hearts ’n’ make our cups run over! We’s astin’ Yuh t’ po’ out Yo’ mercy now, Lawd! Po’ it out fer this po’ sinner boy who stan’s in deep need of it! Ef his sins be as scarlet, Lawd, wash ’em white as snow! Fergive ’im fer whutever he’s done, Lawd! Let the light of Yo’ love guide ’im th’u these dark days! ’N’ he’p them who’s a tryin’ to he’p ’im, Lawd! Enter inter they hearts ’n’ breathe compassion on they sperits! We ast this in the nama Yo’ Son Jesus who died on the cross ’n’ gave us the mercy of Yo’ love! Ahmen….”
Bigger stared unblinkingly at the white wall before him as the preacher’s words registered themselves in his consciousness. He knew without listening what they meant; it was the old voice of his mother telling of suffering, of hope, of love beyond this world. And he loathed it because it made him feel as condemned and guilty as the voice of those who hated him.
“Son….”
Bigger glanced at the preacher, and then away.
“Fergit ever’thing but yo’ soul, son. Take yo’ mind off ever’thing but eternal life. Fergit whut the newspapers say. Fergit yuh’s black. Gawd looks past yo’ skin ’n inter yo’ soul, son. He’s lookin’ at the only parta yuh tha’s His. He wants yuh ’n’ He loves yuh. Give yo’se’f t’ ’Im, son. Lissen, lemme tell yuh why yuh’s here; lemme tell yuh a story tha’ll make yo’ heart glad….”
Bigger sat very still, listening and not listening. If someone had afterwards asked him to repeat the preacher’s words, he would not have been able to do so. But he felt and sensed their meaning. As the preacher talked there appeared before him a vast black silent void and the images of the preacher swam in that void, grew large and powerful; familiar images which his mother had given him when he was a child at her knee; images which in turn aroused impulses long dormant, impulses that he had suppressed and sought to shunt from his life. They were images which had once given him a reason for living, had explained the world. Now they sprawled before his eyes and seized his emotions in a spell of awe and wonder.
…an endless reach of deep murmuring waters upon whose face was darkness and there was no form no shape no sun no stars and no land and a voice came out of the darkness and the waters moved to obey and there emerged slowly a huge spinning ball and the voice said let there be light and there was light and it was good light and the voice said let there be a firmament and the waters parted and there was a vast space over the waters which formed into clouds stretching above the waters and like an echo the voice came from far away saying let dry land appear and with thundering rustling the waters drained off and mountain peaks reared into view and there were valleys and rivers and the voice called the dry land earth and the waters seas and the earth grew grass and trees and flowers that gave off seed that fell to the earth to grow again and the earth was lit by the light of a million stars and for the day there was a sun and for the night there was a moon and there were days and weeks and months and years and the voice called out of the twilight and moving creatures came forth out of the great waters whales and all kinds of living creeping things and on the land there were beasts and cattle and the voice said let us make man in our own image and from the dusty earth a man rose up and loomed against the day and the sun and after him a woman rose up and loomed against the night and the moon and they lived as one flesh and there was no Pain no Longing no Time no Death and Life was like the flowers that bloomed round them in the garden of earth and out of the clouds came a voice saying