Native Son - Richard Wright [83]
“Bigger, you ain’t really going to do that?” she whispered in horror.
“Sure.”
“Where’s that girl?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do know. You wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t know.”
“Aw, what difference do it make?”
She looked straight into his eyes and whispered,
“Bigger, did you kill that girl?”
His jaw clamped tight and he stood up. She turned from him and flung herself upon the bed, sobbing. He began to feel cold; he discovered that his body was covered with sweat. He heard a soft rustle and looked down at his hand; the kidnap note was shaking in his trembling fingers. But I ain’t scared, he told himself. He folded the note, put it into an envelope, sealed it by licking the flap, and shoved it in his pocket. He lay down on the bed beside Bessie and took her in his arms. He tried to speak to her and found his throat so husky that no words came.
“Come on, kid,” he whispered finally.
“Bigger, what’s happened to you?”
“It ain’t nothing. You ain’t got much to do.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Don’t be scared.”
“You told me you was never going to kill nobody.”
“I ain’t killed nobody.”
“You did! I see it in your eyes. I see it all over you.”
“Don’t you trust me, baby?”
“Where’s that girl, Bigger?”
“I don’t know.”
“How you know she won’t turn up?”
“She just won’t.”
“You did kill her.”
“Aw, forget the girl.”
She stood up.
“If you killed her you’ll kill me,” she said. “I ain’t in this.”
“Don’t be a fool. I love you.”
“You told me you never was going to kill.”
“All right. They white folks. They done killed plenty of us.”
“That don’t make it right.”
He began to doubt her; he had never heard this tone in her voice before. He saw her tear-wet eyes looking at him in stark fear and he remembered that no one had seen him leave his room. To stop Bessie who now knew too much would be easy. He could take the butcher knife and cut her throat. He had to make certain of her, one way or the other, before he went back to Dalton’s. Quickly, he stooped over her, his fists clenched. He was feeling as he had felt when he stood over Mary’s bed with the white blur drawing near; an iota more of fear would have sent him plunging again into murder.
“I don’t want no playing from you now.”
“I’m scared, Bigger,” she whimpered.
She tried to get up; he knew she had seen the mad light in his eyes. Fear sheathed him in fire. His words came in a thick whisper.
“Keep still, now. I ain’t playing. Pretty soon they’ll be after me, maybe. And I ain’t going to let ’em catch me, see? I ain’t going to let ’em! The first thing they’ll do in looking for me is to come to you. They’ll grill you about me and you, you drunk fool, you’ll tell! You’ll tell if you ain’t in it, too. If you ain’t in it for your life, you’ll tell.”
“Naw; Bigger!” she whimpered tensely. At that moment she was too scared even to cry.
“You going to do what I say?”
She wrenched herself free and rolled across the bed and stood up on the other side. He ran round the bed and followed her as she backed into a corner. His voice hissed from his throat:
“I ain’t going to leave you behind to snitch!”
“I ain’t going to snitch! I swear I ain’t.”
He held his face a few inches from hers. He had to bind her to him.
“Yeah; I killed the girl,” he said. “Now, you know. You got to help me. You in it as deep as me! You done spent