Nearing Home - Billy Graham [38]
LIVING WITH GRIEF
As I write this it has been four years since Ruth went home to be with the Lord. I feel her loss more keenly now. Not a day passes that I don’t imagine her walking through my study door or us sitting together on our porch as we did so often, holding hands as the sun set over the mountaintops.
I have asked myself why this is the case; after all, shouldn’t our grieving over the loss of a loved one fade as time passes? Yes, it should—and in some ways it has for me. But in other ways it hasn’t, nor do I expect it to. One reason, I think, is because my strongest memory at the time of her death was of her last days—her weakness, her pain, her yearning for Heaven. Much as I longed to have her stay with us, I also knew that for her, death would be a welcome release from the burdens of this life. But with the passing of time, memories of the happiness we shared over more than sixty-three years of marriage come to mind. I remember our last years together as my travels lessened and we had more time just to be together. Those were some of the best years of our lives—almost as if we were falling in love again. And with those memories has come a deeper sense of loss.
The other reason I still feel her death so deeply, I think, is because mingled with my grief is a new sense of expectancy—the certain knowledge that someday soon the Lord will come for me also, and before long Ruth and I will be reunited in Heaven. More than ever, I look forward to that day!
GRIEVING OUR LOSSES
Grief is a reality; those who say that we shouldn’t grieve the loss of loved ones “because they’re better off now” have never understood the enormous hole that is left in our hearts when loved ones die. Yes, they may be better off if they are in Heaven—but we aren’t better off. A major part of our lives has been ripped from us, and just as it takes time to heal from a major surgery, so it takes time to heal from the loss of loved ones. Paul’s words to the believers in Thessalonica are true: “We do not . . . grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). But we still grieve, and that is as it should be. Jesus wept as He stood by the tomb of His friend Lazarus even though He knew that shortly He would bring Lazarus back to life (John 11:35).
My experience may not be the same as yours may be, but grief comes eventually to us all. You may not have been touched as yet by the death of your spouse; you may not even have experienced the death of anyone close to you, such as a parent or grandparent. On the other hand, grief may have come into your life in cruel and tragic ways—the death of a child or of a relative or spouse suddenly taken from you by a heart attack or accident. But no matter what our present experience is, the Bible’s words are true:
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die. (Ecclesiastes 3:1–2)
DEALING WITH OUR GRIEF
How should we cope with grief? Let me mention four steps that have helped me, not just as I have grieved Ruth’s death but as I have dealt with the deaths of my parents; my brother (and best friend), Melvin; my sister Catherine; Ruth’s mother and father; and other relatives and friends over the years.
Accepting Your Feelings
First, don’t be surprised by your grief or deny it or feel guilty over it. Even when the death of someone we love is expected, we still will miss him or her, and we still will grieve our loss. Don’t be surprised, either, if it creeps up on you at unexpected times and takes you by surprise. “I thought I was over my grief after my husband died last year,” a woman wrote me once, “but a few days ago someone walked by who