New Moon - Stephenie Meyer [129]
I didn’t look up, afraid to see what he’d think of that last part. It took him a minute to answer, so I was probably right not to look.
“Yeah, I’ll always be your friend,” he said gruffly. “No matter what you love.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
I felt his arms wind around me, and I leaned against his chest, still sniffling. “This sucks.”
“Yeah.” Then he sniffed my hair and said, “Ew.”
“What!” I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. “Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don’t smell!”
He smiled a little. “Yes, you do—you smell like them. Blech. Too sweet—sickly sweet. And...icy. It burns my nose.”
“Really?” That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a human, anyway. “But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?”
That wiped his smile away. “Huh. Maybe I don’t smell so good to her, either. Huh.”
“Well, you both smell fine to me.” I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-22—on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die—metaphorically—when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? What a mess, I thought again.
“I’ll miss you,” Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. “Every minute. I hope she leaves soon.”
“It really doesn’t have to be that way, Jake.”
He sighed. “Yes, it really does, Bella. You...love her. So I’d better not get anywhere near her. I’m not sure that I’m even-tempered enough to handle that. Sam would be mad if I broke the treaty, and”—his voice turned sarcastic—“you probably wouldn’t like it too much if I killed your friend.”
I recoiled from him when he said that, but he only tightened his arms, refusing to let me escape. “There’s no point in avoiding the truth. That’s the way things are, Bells.”
“I do not like the way things are.”
Jacob freed one arm so that he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and make me look at him. “Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn’t it?”
I sighed.
We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness—I didn’t want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed.
He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble—not with anger this time. He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands.
“Bella,” he whispered.
I was frozen.
No! I hadn’t made this decision yet. I didn’t know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences.
I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.
Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost. The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn’t break any spells?
Maybe it would be easy—like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Just myself.
Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still absolutely undecided.
The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction.
“Swan residence,” Jacob