Night Over Water - Ken Follett [183]
“And I’ve got a business in Boston—a much bigger one, by the way.”
“It’s not the same for a woman!”
“Of course it’s the same, you fool!” she yelled.
Right away, she regretted the word fool. A look of stony fury settled on his face: she had offended him mortally. He got up from his chair. She wanted to say something to stop him walking away in a snit, but she could not think of the right words, and a moment later he had gone.
“Damn,” she said bitterly. She was angry with him and furious with herself. She did not want to drive him away—she liked him! Years ago she had learned that nose-to-nose confrontation was not the right approach when dealing with men: they would accept aggression from one another but not from women. In business she had always tempered her combative spirit, softened her tone and got her way by manipulating people, not by quarreling with them. Now, just for a moment, she had stupidly forgotten all that and had a fight with the most attractive man she had come across in ten years.
I’m such a fool, she thought; I know he’s proud. That’s one of the things I like about him—it’s part of his strength. He is tough, but he hasn’t suppressed all his emotions the way tough men often do. Look at the way he followed that runaway wife half across the world. See how he stood up for the Jews when Lord Oxenford blew his top in the dining room. Remember how he kissed me....
The irony of it was that she felt very ready to think about a change in her life.
What Danny Riley had told her about her father had cast a new light over her entire history. She had always assumed that she and Peter quarreled because he resented her being cleverer. But that kind of sibling rivalry normally faded away in adolescence: her own two boys, having fought like cat and dog for almost twenty years, were now the best of friends and fiercely loyal to one another. By contrast, the hostility between her and Peter had stayed alive into middle age, and she could now see that Pa was responsible.
Pa had told Nancy that she was to be his successor, and Peter would work under her; but he had told Peter the opposite. In consequence, both of them thought they were intended to run the company. But it went back farther than that. Pa had always refused to lay down clear rules or define areas of responsibility, she realized. He would buy toys they had to share, then refuse to adjudicate the inevitable disputes. When they were old enough to drive, he had bought a car for them both to use: they had fought over it for years.
Pa’s strategy had worked for Nancy: it had made her strong-willed and smart. But Peter had ended up weak, sly and spiteful. And now the stronger of the two was about to take control of the company, in accordance with Pa’s plan.
And that was what disturbed Nancy: it was all in accordance with Pa’s plan. The knowledge that everything she did had been foreordained by someone else spoiled the taste of victory. Her whole life now seemed like a school assignment set by her father: she had got an A, but at forty she was too old to be in school. She had an angry wish to set her own goals and live her own life.
In fact, she had been in just the right mood to have an open-minded discussion with Mervyn about their future together. But he had offended her by assuming that she would drop everything and follow him half across the world; and instead of talking him around she had bawled him out.
She had not expected him to go down on his knees and propose, of course, but ...
She felt in her heart that he really should have proposed. She was not a bohemian, after all; she was an American woman from a Catholic family, and if a man wanted a commitment from her, there was only one kind of commitment he was entitled to ask for, and that was her hand in marriage. If he could not do that, he should not ask for anything.
She sighed. It was all very well to be indignant, but she had driven him away. Perhaps the rift would not be permanent. She hoped so with all her heart. Now that she was in danger of losing Mervyn, she realized