No Regrets - Carolyn Burke [118]
Piaf’s appeal to humanity in general was well received by the throngs who came to applaud when she and Théo toured Belgium and Holland that winter. Each night from November 17 to the end of the year, the star walked gingerly onstage to “Non, je ne regrette rien.” Her repertoire did not vary, but she was sometimes barely able to complete the program. At Nijmegen on December 14, she sang off-key in the opening number—“Le Chant d’amour,” set to music by Dumont to suit the poignancy of Piaf’s lyrics about her “ordinary” love song. “Si vous voulez bien écouter / Je vais chanter un chant d’amour,” it began—“If you wish to listen / I’ll sing you a love song,” one that was based on her belief that those who truly loved each other met again after death. The crowd cheered in spite of her substandard performance, moved by the sentiment and her will to survive.
Piaf’s hoarse, almost nasal tone was better suited to her protest song “Roulez tambours,” which she performed at each concert that winter. As the tempo slowed, she sang more softly: “J’ai vu tant de misère / Et tant souffrir autour de moi / Que je ne me rappelle guère / Si la douleur était pour moi / J’ai souvent vu pleurer ma mère / Je crois bien que c’était pour moi / J’ai presque vu pleurer mon père / Il ne m’a jamais dit pourquoi.” (“I’ve seen so much misery / So much sorrow all round / I can’t recall / If it was for me / I often saw my mother cry / I think she cried for me / I almost saw my father cry / He never told me why.”) Audiences sensed that the song linked personal grief to the world’s pain. But they could not know that in naming the ghosts who haunted her dreams, Piaf made her song an act of forgiveness.
Many listeners took another song on the program, “Emporte-moi,” as an expression of the star’s wish to transcend her sorrows. Painting a lurid picture of the Pigalle she had known in her youth, Piaf implored, in a voice that was harsh and sometimes flat: “Emporte-moi bien loin, bien loin d’ici / Emporte-moi là-bas dans ton pays.” (“Take me away, far away from here / Take me over there to your country.”) Despite her vocal weakness, the audience also grasped the spiritual dimension of “Le Droit d’aimer,” concerning her need to give herself completely: “Quoiqu’on dise ou qu’on fasse / Tant que mon coeur battra / Quelle que soit la couronne / Les épines ou la croix.” (“Whatever they do or say / As long as I live / Despite the crown / The thorns or the cross.”) Piaf as Christ-figure required a stretch of the imagination, but the religion of love espoused in her songs struck a chord in her admirers.
Edith and Théo were interviewed on television in Lyon three days after her forty-seventh birthday and just before Christmas, dates that were connected in her mind. Piaf said that the secret of her strength was her faith. Always an optimist, she was full of hope for the future; she sang about love because “that’s the basis of everything.” Théo would become a first-rate singer in time, she continued, though he confessed that his stage fright grew worse each night. The press did not agree. One journalist replied to the question posed by their duet, “A quoi ça sert, l’amour?” (“What is love for?”), by writing acerbically, “To make you blind, of course, though under some circumstances love would do better to be silent.” Even if many said that Théo lacked lung power, Piaf’s public embraced her despite the critics’ reservations.
The star put on a brave front throughout the tour but was barely able to cope with the rigors of two shows