No Way to Say Goodbye - Anna McPartlin [115]
Mary returned to the present, sobbing and wiping the never-ending stream from her eyes and nose.
“Save me!” the boy had called to her.
“Even if it means losing you,” she said to her empty car, then put it into reverse and drove away.
“If I hadn’t given them the fingers!” Sam groaned.
Jack nodded. “If I hadn’t agreed to the lemonade.”
“If I’d run faster,” Sam said.
“If I’d grabbed the pitchfork by the stable wall,” Jack replied.
“If I’d been stronger.”
“If I’d been stronger,” Jack repeated.
Sam turned to him and Jack smiled as best he could. “If ‘if’ was a donkey we’d all have a ride,” he said. “Time to let go.” He waved towards the sea. “Time to turn it around.”
Sam watched the tide lap away. “Is that possible?” he asked.
“I’m proof of it,” Jack said.
“What if I can’t?”
“Then you’ve allowed those bullies on that night to wage a war that would last a lifetime. Don’t let them win, son.”
They sat in silence until the tide was far away and the evening chill had set in. Then they walked together to Jack’s car.
“I have to go home,” Sam said.
“No more running away,” Jack stated.
Sam nodded. “Mary.”
“Maybe in another time and place,” Jack said, with a sad smile.
“Maybe,” and Sam was crying again.
Mary returned home to Mr Monkels, who was waiting for her, his tail wagging. She sat on the floor and hugged him. Earlier that day when she had asked Jessie and Pierre to watch over the bar so that she and her dad could talk, they had sat in Jack’s apartment and she had told him what she suspected about Sam’s past. He had agreed to talk to Sam, as difficult as it was for him.
Before she left, he offered a warning. “If you’re right, he might never forgive you for knowing,” he said.
“I know. Just help him.”
“He might never be able to look you in the face again.”
“I know.”
“No, love, you don’t. So many times I wanted to tell your mother but I couldn’t.”
“He needs help.”
“You could lose him.”
“He was never mine to keep.”
Van Morrison was playing in the day room. Penny looked up from one of the books Mary had sent and marked the page. The phone was free and had been for at least half an hour. She couldn’t delay making the call any longer so, after she’d helped Eileen from Ward Five to find the remote control, she dialled Adam’s number.
“Hello?” she said. “It’s me.”
“Penny.” He sounded relieved to hear her voice. “Are you OK? I’ve been worried sick. Why haven’t you let me visit you?”
“I needed time.”
“Fair enough. I’m just happy to hear from you now.”
“Adam,” she began, “I know you’re back in Kenmare.”
“I made Mary promise to say nothing,” he said, a little annoyed.
“Don’t blame her. I asked about you and, well, you know what she’s like. She tried to cover but failed miserably.” She laughed a little. “How are you getting on in the restaurant and with your dad?”
“We’re fit to kill one another. Still, it’s not too bad. We just hired a new chef and he’s a pain in the arse but excellent.”
“Good. I’m sorry about you and Alina.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“The kids are OK. I’m going to have them every second weekend. It’s hard but they’ll adjust and they definitely don’t miss the arguing.”
“That’s good.”
“When are you coming home?” he asked.
“That’s what I’m calling about.”
“You want me to pick you up?”
“No.”
“Oh, OK, what can I do?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t understand.”
Penny remained silent just long enough for Adam to worry. Eventually she said, “You told me once about the first time you ever saw me.”
“You were wearing blue shoes.”
“That’s right. I was alone and you said you saw me cry.”
“And all I wanted to do was save you.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Well, you can.”
“How?”
“Let me go.”
“I don’t understand,” he said, sounding panicked.
“I’ve been such a mess and for so long. I need to be a different person. I need to move on.”
“Is that your doctor or you talking?”
“It’s the right thing to do.”
“No, Penny – please.”
“I’m so sorry.” She hung up.
Eileen from Ward Five was waiting to give her a hug. “It’s hard to let go,” she said.
Penny nodded and dried her eyes. “Come on, let