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you learn the ins and outs of your situation, the better off you'll be. And even if you and your spouse agree about what you want to do, don't take any major actions, like selling real estate or other assets or transferring large amounts of money, without talking to someone first about the legal and financial consequences. For example, it might seem like a good idea for your spouse to pay you a lump sum for a couple of years of support in advance because you need cash immediately for major expenses and know you'll have income later. But support payments can have tax consequences for both the person who pays and the recipient, and you'll need advice about structuring the payment. (There's more about this topic in Chapters 8 and 11.)

Chapter 15 has an extensive list of the different types of professionals you might talk to in the course of your divorce.

Taking Care of Yourself

Divorce is one of the most stressful life events that anyone goes through. Only the loss of a loved one and moving are even in its class, difficulty-wise-and divorce generally involves both of those as well. Even when you are the one initiating the divorce, the enormous changes that result are bound to throw you off and leave you feeling, at the very least, a bit lost and at worst, genuinely confused and depressed. There's no question that you will need time to grieve the loss of your family as you have known it. Make sure you pay attention to your emotional state and get the support you need to get through the divorce and the adjustment period that will follow.

Don't be reluctant to seek help from a counselor or therapist. Lowcost counseling can be found through county mental health programs, schools that train social workers and psychologists, and community health care centers. If you belong to a religious group, you're likely to find short-term counseling there. And don't hesitate to get help for your kids if you think they need to talk to someone outside of the family.

Even if you don't think therapy is for you, you might be surprised at the many therapy options available these days. Take the time to learn about what might work for you. If you don't want to go to individual counseling, try a divorce support group. If traditional "talk therapy" doesn't sound like your cup of tea, consider more body-based therapies like massage. You might even consider learning to meditate. Give something a try you can always switch therapists or programs or stop when you feel it's time.

Whatever you do, avoid sitting at home moping, burning old photos, and plotting revenge. Just taking a walk and enjoying fresh air, sunshine, or fall colors can help you feel more grounded. If you have hobbies, try to stay engaged with them. If you've lost touch with old friends, now is a great time to reconnect. It's not uncommon to lose some friends in a divorce-either because they pick sides, or simply because some of the people you're used to being with as a couple aren't as comfortable with you as a single person, or vice versa. So, renew old relationships and find new ones-it will help you to stay busy and avoid dwelling on negative things. Finally, to state the obvious: Eat right and get plenty of sleep and exercise. You will get through this.

Basics of the Uncontested Divorce ....................................................................................55

Summary Dissolution for Short-Term Marriages .....................................................55

Default Divorce ...............................................................................................................................57

If You Serve Your Spouse and There's No Response ...............................................57

By Agreement ..............................................................................................................................57

If Your Spouse Is Missing ........................................................................................................58

Preparing and Filing Legal Papers .....................................................................................