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By Root 913 0

together over the kitchen table and, with the help of this book and other materials, identify the issues that need resolving-and then resolve them. This is, obviously, the least expensive way of reaching agreement. However, for some people it's also the most difficult, because it means making decisions about very emotional issues with the person from whom you are trying to separate emotionally, without any buffer between you. Chapter 4, on mediation, has information about communication and negotiation that will be helpful if you decide to try one-on-one discussions with your spouse.

Negotiation with the help of a family member or friend. If you think that you and your spouse are likely to be able to agree on most issues, but you might benefit from that buffer of having another person present, you could ask a mutual friend or a family member to sit in with you. This person could be the recorder, writing down agreements as you come to them, and could help you stay on track with your agenda. It's a pretty hard job for the average person, and you'll need to make sure that whoever you ask is someone with whom you and your spouse feel equally comfortable, and who will feel comfortable in the role. Whatever you do, don't pick someone who's likely to insert a lot of their own opinions into the process.

Mediation. Mediation is a process in which a trained, neutral third party, the mediator, sits down with you and your spouse and helps you reach agreement about the issues involved in your divorce. Mediation gives you the best possible chance of an outcome that both you and your spouse can live with. It also supports the possibility of an ongoing, cooperative relationship with your spouse-something that will have a positive lifelong effect on your children. There's much more about mediation in Chapter 4.

The Big Issues

How do you know what you need to discuss and decide? Here are the big ones, each of which is covered in later chapters:

• developing a parenting plan that deals with custody, visitation, child support, and all other questions involving your kids (Chapters 6 through 8)

• dividing up your property and debts, including your family home, cars, personal items, financial accounts, and amounts you owe (Chapters 9 and 10), and

• deciding whether either of you will pay spousal support (alimony) to the other and if so, how much (Chapter 11).

Once you have completed your negotiations, you'll be ready to draft your marital settlement agreement. Chapter 13 lists the issues you need to address and guides you through the process of preparing an MSA.

Finalizing Your Uncontested Divorce

If you've filed for divorce, submitted all the required forms and information to the court, finished your negotiations with your spouse, and prepared a marital settlement agreement, congratulations! You are almost there.

You may not even have to go to court to get your final divorce order. You will, however, have to fill out some paperwork and submit it to the court. Either you or your spouse can prepare and submit the final paperwork.

You'll usually be required to submit a signed statement (declaration) that tells the court:

• when you filed your divorce petition

• when your spouse was served (or when you got permission to publish or skip service)

• that your spouse hasn't responded, if that's the case, and

• what you are asking the court to do (such as grant the divorce, restore your former name, and approve your settlement agreement).

Along with the declaration, you may have to provide proof that you made whatever financial disclosures are required in your state. Usually, you can do this by signing and filing a form saying that you gave your spouse all the information that's required.

If you have signed a marital settlement agreement, you'll either need to submit the entire agreement or check a box on one of the final divorce forms that says you've prepared one and that you've resolved all the issues in your divorce. Make sure that the order says that the marital settlement agreement is "incorporated" into the judgmentthen the