Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce - Emily Doskow [57]
Make sure it's clear that the agreements you're making are temporary. Make sure that whatever you agree to is put in writing, clearly stating that the agreement is temporary. You don't want to compromise your future position when you decide to take the high road and compromise now. This is particularly true in regard to your parenting schedule.
As your case proceeds, you may have a number of motion hearings, or you may have none. Motion hearings are less predictable than many elements of your case, because the judge has very little time to review your paperwork and make a decision about your request, which is only one of many on the court calendar. The judge spends a morning or afternoon conducting lots of short hearings and making decisions about limited, specific issues.
If you can stay out of motion court, great. But if you can't, make sure you work with your lawyer to keep your requests clear, specific, and as limited as possible.
These hearings may resolve some of the issues that are in dispute, and they may also give you a clue as to what kind of permanent orders the judge will eventually issue. Some of the disputes that might come up include:
• who gets to stay in the family home
• how much alimony or child support will be paid
• whether either spouse may use or sell assets owned by both
• where the kids will stay and what the parenting schedule will be, and
• whether one spouse will be permitted to move away with the children.
Getting temporary orders in place can be a big relief if you've been worrying about money and your spouse has been unwilling to pay enough support. And if your kids' custody changeover times have turned into opportunities to argue about money or custody, having a temporary order can ease the tension.
Going to Court
You will usually need to accompany your lawyer to any hearings that are held in your case. If you've never been in court before, don't worry. Courtroom rules are pretty straightforward.
Especially in short hearings, your testimony will usually be given to the court in the form of a signed statement called a declaration or affidavit. You won't need to speak. But everything you do will make some kind of impression on the judge, and the judge is the only one deciding your case. The same judge might later preside over your trial, so your demeanor in the courtroom matters, whether you have a speaking part or not. Probably the most important thing to do is always present yourself as reasonable and mature.
If you have a longer hearing or a trial, dressing and behaving appropriately are especially important because you will be spending quite a few hours, and possibly even a few days, in the judge's presence. Here are some tips for making your going-to-court experience a bit easier.
Dress appropriately. Dress in a way that shows respect for the judge and the other people in court. Don't wear shorts, T-shirts, or other extremely casual clothes, and don't show a lot of skin. If you typically wear jeans to work and you don't want to dress differently for court, just make sure that your jeans are clean and neat and that you're wearing a nice shirt, sweater, or sports jacket with them. When in doubt, go with the more conservative option-it will never work against you.
Be respectful. Don't disrupt court procedures, even if you think your spouse's lawyer is telling massive untruths about you. Don't snort or roll your eyes at the testimony of your spouse or the experts. (But do take clear notes for your lawyer about how to respond to testimony that's untrue or distorted.) Don't speak directly to the judge or the other lawyer unless they are speaking directly to you. (In that case, answer respectfully, and address the judge as "Your Honor.") Write your lawyer a note