Not One Clue_ A Mystery - Lois Greiman [42]
“So, in review … he’s probably past middle age,” she said. “Judging from the phraseology.”
“But not yet old.”
“He’s relatively wealthy.”
“And educated.”
“Possibly Catholic.”
“Repressed.”
“Definitely Catholic,” we said in unison.
“Formal,” I said. “Yet with each letter he seems to become increasingly familiar.”
“As if he knows me,” she said.
“Or feels that he knows you.”
She nodded. The paparazzi had been pretty busy lately. As far as we knew, none of them had yet realized she was slumming in Sunland with her dearest friend. So Letter-Writer must have gotten his information elsewhere. I wondered if it made him feel important to have obtained knowledge that others would have paid money for. “He’s controlled,” Laney said.
“Neat.”
“Polite.”
“Obsessed.”
We scanned the letters. Each one was almost identical to the next. “Methodical,” Laney said. The salutation was the same, the body of the letter was short, direct, and adoring.
“And infatuated,” I said. “Which probably brings the possibilities down into the millions.”
15
Apparently a large number of people are extremely bored.
—Patricia Ruocco, aka Elaine
Butterfield, after hearing of
Amazon Queen’s
phenomenal viewership
The next week was a whirlwind of activity. I saw a zillion clients, shopped for shoes, and finally perused Laney’s list of cast members, aka potential whack jobs. The sheer numbers were daunting. Who knew it could take that many people to make a cheesy, international hit?
It was Monday night. I glanced up from the kitchen table at Laney, who stood beside me, reviewing the same list. “Yikes,” I said.
“I know.”
“Anybody you have any bad vibes about?”
“I’m not feeling great about judging people on a passing whim,” she said.
“How do you feel about me getting shot in my sleep?”
“Iffy,” she said.
“Good to know. Anyone?” I asked again.
She skimmed the list, scowling a little, then pointed to a name. “He’s kind of …” She shrugged a shoulder. “Different.”
I read the name. Benjamin Vanak. “What kind of different?”
“I don’t know. He’s …” She shook her head, thinking. “Aloof maybe.”
I raised my brows and looked over my shoulder at her. “Are you saying he’s not smitten?”
“Shocking, isn’t it?”
“And refreshing. How long has he been with the Amazon Queen team?”
“A year or so, I think.”
“And he hasn’t asked to sire your children yet?” She wrinkled her nose at me.
“How about poetry. Has he written any sonnets in your honor?”
“Not even a haiku.”
“I’m calling the police,” I said, and she banged my shoulder with her almost-hip. It was like being bumped by a fly.
“I don’t want to get anyone in trouble,” she said. “Jobs are hard to come by. Especially in this economy.”
“So who could I call to feel Vanak out?” I asked.
“Why would you do the calling?” she asked.
“Who else?”
“I can still speak, you know.”
“Don’t you hire someone to do that for you these days?”
“Here’s the thing,” she said, ignoring my cleverness, “I think Derrick would be most knowledgeable about the cast.”
“Derrick. The producer?” She nodded. “Yeah, but—”
“You’re afraid he’ll immediately fire everyone on the set if he thinks someone’s causing you trouble.”
“Not everyone.”
“Everyone except you?”
“Could be.”
“Because he’s not aloof.”
“‘Aloof’ isn’t the term I’d use for him, no.”
“What is the term?”
She thought for a moment. “Jittery? Short? Friendly?”
“Uh-huh. How many times has he proposed?”
“I’m not that good at math,” she said, and I gaped.
“That many?”
“He’s kind of a flirt.”
“A flirt who has a wife and four dozen kids.”
“Approximately.”
I nodded, thinking. “Anyone besides Vanak give you weird vibes?” I asked.
“Are we talking male and female?”
“We’re talking interspecies.”
“Agatha once said she’d kill to have my body.”
“Do you think she meant it literally?” I asked, scanning the paper until I found her name with my right index finger.
“Supposedly my death would not actually give her my body.”
“Is she bright enough to know that?”
“A Rhodes scholar.”
“So was President Clinton. He wasn’t smart enough