Notes From the Hard Shoulder - James May [28]
Attempts to combine the virtues of the car and the motorcycle in a single machine have rarely been successful. An early example was the so-called motorcycle combination, a German development. Originally, this comprised a normal motorcycle fitted with a wheeled platform on to which a Spandau machine gun was mounted. However, its makers soon discovered that it was impossible to ride the bike and work the gun at the same time.
Rudimentary bodywork was added to the gun platform and a second German installed with the sole job of firing the weapon, leaving the original rider free to operate the motorcycle's controls and shout 'Himmel!' when a wire, stretched across the road by the French Resistance, sliced his head off. Unwittingly, the sidecar had been born.
After the war, British bike designers refined the idea, removing the machine gun, installing the wife, and thus creating a means by which the motorcycle licence holder could transport the nuclear family, though ideally only around right-hand bends.
A later development was the microcar, a movement again spearheaded by the Germans. After the war car-building materials were in short supply, but a job lot of leftover cockpits from the Messerschmitt and Heinkel factories were quickly converted into simple runabouts, although shortages meant that none was ever fitted with more than three wheels. As with the earlier combination, any motorcyclist who had survived the cheesecutter experience was permitted to drive one. But again the concept did not really take off, although quite a few turned over.
The car/bike hybrid then stagnated until the year 2000 and the launch of the – German again – BMW CI. This time, however, the philosophy was a winner – a crash-proof scooter designed for just one-up riding and allowing hard-pressed senior officers to cut confidently through the horrific build-up of traffic caused by the now infamous Retreat from Longbridge.
The C1 rider sat in a proper seat with a five-point safety belt and behind a windscreen fitted with a wiper and washer system. Protruding bump-stops protected machine and occupant in the event of a fall, and the whole offered frontal crash protection equivalent to that of a small car. No airbag was fitted, however, and C1 riders were denied parachutes in the belief that they would undermine morale, although a heated seat, sat-nav and ABS were available. In Britain a helmet was mandatory lest the rider should be recognised.
The C1 was simplicity itself to ride, being essentially a twist 'n' go CVT-equipped scooter with additional bodywork. And because the engine was a mere 125cc and limited to 15bhp, full car-licence holders could ride it providing they passed Compulsory Basic Training, basically a programme of indoctrination involving bollards.
Initially, the C1 was seen to wobble around at low speed owing to its high centre of gravity. Later, it was observed cranked over at mini roundabouts and later still abandoned outside a cafe while its rider recovered from the shell-shock induced by its four-stroke Rotax single.
Overall, though, the C1 was considered the best attempt yet to combine the security of the car with the convenience of the bike, being narrow enough to bypass traffic jams but without the risks associated with earlier two-wheelers. However, some regarded it as a bit poncey. To counter this, BMW also developed a proper l,100cc motorbike on which riders could still have proper crashes.
IF HE KNOWS, HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING
As the subject for an interview, this man does not look at all promising. The survivor of over 100 life-threatening car crashes, he is best described as the strong silent type, bearing the traumas of his unfortunate lifestyle with tight-lipped, unflinching stoicism. Sid – for side-impact dummy, more properly Euro-Sid to distinguish him from the US equivalent – reveals the misery of his life only through the electronic data logger wired up to the 25 or so transducers and accelerometers implanted in his rather unsavoury rubbery body.
He lives and works at the