Oblomov - Ivan Goncharov [156]
‘Yes,’ he said to himself, ‘that’s where the world of straightforward, honourable, and lasting happiness is to be found! I felt ashamed to pluck these flowers, to rush about in the fragrance of love like a boy, to arrange assignations, walk in the moonlight, listening to the beats of a young girl’s heart, to catch the excitement of her dream.… Oh God!’ He blushed to the roots of his hair. ‘This very evening Olga shall know what stern duties are imposed by love; to-day I shall have my last meeting with her alone – to-day – –’
He put his hand to his heart. It was beating strongly and regularly, as an honest man’s heart should. He was again upset at the thought of how grieved Olga would be when he told her that they must not meet; then he would tell her timidly of his intentions, but first he would find out what she thought and would enjoy her confusion.… Then he saw in his mind’s eye her shy consent, her smile, her tears, a silently held out hand, a long, mysterious whispering and kisses before the whole world.
12
HE RAN to look for Olga. He was told at her house that she had gone out; he went to the village – she was not there. He saw her walking up a hill in the distance, looking like an angel ascending the sky, so light was her step, so graceful her movements. He went after her, but she seemed scarcely to touch the grass with her feet, just as if she were really flying away. Half-way up the hill he began calling to her.
She waited for him, but as soon as he came within ten feet of her, she walked on, again leaving a big distance between them, then stopped once more and laughed. He stopped at last, certain that she would not escape him. She ran down a few paces to him, gave him her hand, and, laughing, dragged him after her. They entered the wood: he took off his hat, and she mopped his forehead with her handkerchief and began fanning his face with her parasol.
Olga was especially lively, talkative, and vivacious but, after a sudden outburst of affection, lapsed suddenly into thought.
‘Guess what I was doing yesterday,’ she asked when they sat down in the shade.
‘Reading?’
She shook her head.
‘Writing?’
‘No.’
‘Singing?’
‘No. Telling fortunes!’ she said. ‘The countess’s housekeeper came to see us yesterday. She can tell fortunes by cards and I asked her to tell mine.’
‘Well, what did she tell you?’
‘Nothing much. A journey, then a crowd of people, and a fair man everywhere, everywhere.… I blushed all over when she said suddenly in Katya’s presence that a king of diamonds was thinking about me. When she wanted to tell me whom I was thinking of, I mixed up the cards and ran away. You were thinking about me, weren’t you?’ she suddenly asked.
‘Oh,’ he said, ‘if only I could think less of you!’
‘And what about me?’ she said thoughtfully. ‘I seem to have forgotten that life can be different. When you were sulky last week and did not come for two days – you remember, you were cross – I suddenly changed and became terribly bad-tempered. I quarrelled with Katya as you do with Zakhar. I saw she was crying to herself and I wasn’t at all sorry for her. I didn’t answer Auntie, I didn’t listen to what she said, I didn’t do anything and didn’t want to go anywhere. But as soon as you came I grew quite different suddenly. I made Katya a present of my lilac dress.…’
‘That is love!’ he cried dramatically.
‘What is? A lilac dress?’
‘Everything! I can recognize myself in what you say. For me, too, life is not worth living without you. At night I keep dreaming of blossoming valleys. When I see you, I feel kind and active; when I don’t, I am bored, I feel lazy, I want to lie down and not think of anything.… Love, and never be ashamed of – your love.…’
He fell silent suddenly. ‘What am I talking about? That’s not what I came for!’ he thought and began to clear his throat. He frowned.
‘And what if I should suddenly die?’ she asked.
‘What an idea!’ he said carelessly.
‘Oh, yes,’ she went on, ‘I’ll catch a cold and take to my bed with a high temperature. You will come here