Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [37]
7. Trenchcoats. Just because it’s raining outside doesn’t mean that you have to ruin a perfectly good outfit with a horrible trenchcoat. There’s no need to look like a flasher or McGruff the Crime Dog. Invest in one good quality raincoat that’s chic and sophisticated, not one in that horrible putty color that every insurance adjuster from here to Des Moines has on. And for God’s sake don’t let me catch you with the belts flapping in the breeze. It’s just a sad, sad commuter look that is always the wrong answer.
When it comes to raincoats, always opt for a darker color. A dark golden khaki is so much richer than that overused putty. And get one with a lining that snaps in and out. That way you can wear it on colder winter days or in spring and fall.
Oh, and while we’re at it, let me just remind you that shiny yellow slickers are so not cool. You’ll look like the Morton’s salt girl or the Gorton’s fisherman. I would also avoid umbrellas that look like frogs or galoshes shaped like ladybugs. Unless your daily commute involves a yellow school bus. Then by all means, indulge.
SCARVES, GLOVES, AND HATS, OH MY!
Scarves
If you can dream it, you can crochet it. And unfortunately, that’s exactly what your great-aunt Tillie from Milwaukee did on her Knitaway—available from Ronco, free with the Be-Dazzler, circa 1979—when she gave you that multicolored scarf now hanging in your closet. (I have a storage unit full of Knitaways because I bought so many Be-Dazzlers, by the way. Hello? eBay?)
Great-aunt Tillie seems to be the source for most men’s scarves. Scarves just seem to come into our lives. You don’t realize how you get them, you just get them. They’re like moles.
But just like everything else, you need to buy scarves. You need to have a classic, basic scarf. I recommend a black or gray cashmere scarf—it’s a great introduction to cashmere at about $75. They’re warm, chic, and sophisticated, and they look great with everything. You can wear them with a suit, with a casual sweater, or even jeans and a T-shirt. Those crazy multicolored scarves that you get from great-aunt Tillie? Those don’t look good with anything.
The scarf is a big holiday gift, but inevitably you get the one you don’t want. Time to go shopping! After the holidays there are vast quantities of scarves on sale, although selection might be slightly limited. But in most climates, that’s just when you’re going to need one, and you might hit a great deal.
If you can’t do cashmere, look for merino wool or superfine lambswool. But whatever you do, keep the fibers real, just like everything else. Avoid scarves made of things like “cashmayre” or “cashmink” or “cashmina.” It’s a plot to trick you. But alas, dear reader, you’ve got me on your side, and you shan’t be duped.
Watch out for novelty scarves, too. If it lights up, plays music, is decorated with a keyboard, or is adorned with any Disney characters whatsoever, just keep looking.
Gloves
Let’s just come right out and say it: Mittens are for preschoolers. Yes, they keep you the warmest, but who really needs to be that warm? They also make you unable to do anything. Wearing mittens is a great excuse for never doing a thing. Witness the following.
“Could you get that for me?”
“Nope! Got mittens on!”
“Could you answer the phone?”
“No, sorry, mittens.”
“Could you drive tonight?”
“I’d love to, but I’m wearing mittens.”
As with all things, your best bet is to keep your gloves simple. If you find one classic pair you can wear with anything, you’ll be set. If you work at a job where you wear work gloves to protect your hands, that’s great, but those are not the gloves I’m talking about. For going out on a date or going out with friends on a weekend, what you want is a simple, real leather glove—ideally with a thin lining of wool or cashmere to add extra insulation without being bulky and lumberjack-y.
Gloves should be either brown or black. Think about your outerwear. If your coats are mostly black, get black gloves.