Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [41]
Sunglasses are artwork that frames your face. And, um, hi?! It’s your face! Take it seriously. You want to be concerned about scale and fit, and make sure that the frames balance out your face. If you’re fair with pale hair, a black frame might be too severe. Try a tortoise in softer, warmer brown or gold tones. For dark hair, silver is an excellent choice.
We all know that you can find really cheap sunglasses on the street or at the dollar store. And that can sometimes be appealing because a lot of us tend to lose them, sit on them, whatever, and we don’t want to make a big investment. But I think quality is very important when it comes to sunglasses, so it might be worth it to spend just a little more. Proceed with caution when purchasing sunglasses at a place that also sells hemorrhoid ointment, because we’re talking about your eyes here. Make sure that whatever you buy is UV resistant. If you doubt how important that is, let me just remind you that German shepherds are expensive. So are canes. And just imagine never being able to indulge in the visual pleasure of your next visit to Hooters.
EYEGLASSES
In this era of laser eye surgery and disposable contact lenses, don’t forget that glasses can be hot and very sexy. They’re not just for geeks anymore. People do make passes at guys who wear glasses. Trust me.
When choosing a pair of glasses—or maybe while complaining about how expensive they can be—remember one thing: You should never slap just anything on your face. You’re not welding here, people. You’re going to be walking around all day and night with these glasses on. It’s the one accessory that stays with you all the time, which makes glasses probably the most important thing you have in your wardrobe.
I trust you’re working with a top-quality optometrist who will ensure the safety of your peepers. Beyond that, glasses are a fashion item, subject to old domestic partner tales à la “Pleated pants will hide my spare tire.” People fall prey to believing things like “I’ll wear glasses with clear frames. They’ll recede from my face and will look like I’m not wearing glasses at all!” Here’s the snafu: The rest of us aren’t blind. We know you’re wearing glasses. And clear frames went out with earth shoes, okay?
It’s always best to buy a simple frame that flatters you. Avoid any kind of fashion frames. You don’t want to look like Sally Jessy Raphael. There are some classic frames that always look great on everybody—preppy styles and simple wire frames are always good choices. A sleek but still classic option is the rimless frame. A total oxymoron, but doable nonetheless.
Just like sunglasses, pick your glasses carefully. Do they fit your face? Do they flatter you? Do they balance your look? Are they too big? Too small? Made of good materials? Do they work with your coloring? Do they make your butt look huge?
As with everything else in your wardrobe, you need to buy new glasses every couple of years or so. You buy new shoes and new clothes from time to time, so why would you keep wearing glasses from 1984? If you can afford it, why not get two pairs? That way you can switch up your look and always keep it fresh.
I always say you should never shop alone, but that’s particularly true when you’re investing in something as important as eyewear. It can cost hundreds of dollars, and it’s framing your most important feature. Okay, well maybe your second most important. Faces are overrated. Nonetheless you should have someone there to give you a second opinion, because you can’t see everything accurately. Here’s my Mr. Wizard science lesson for today: When you look at something in the mirror, you’re getting a two-dimensional image. But you’re a three-dimensional person, so the way things look in a mirror is not always the way they look to other people. And voilà. That’s where your trusty second opinion comes in.
BELTS
I hesitated to even include belts with accessories, lest you underestimate their importance and think of them as optional. Belts are