Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [45]
Your next layer will be blazers, pants, and sweaters. You don’t want to fold anything harshly because that will leave a hard crease. A great trick is to take a garment like a blazer, put it in a drycleaning bag and tie the bag at the bottom so you’re creating a pillow of air around it. Roll it and voilà! Next come your sweaters, which should also be gently folded and rolled. This is probably not for amateurs, but if you have the time, layer your sweaters in tissue paper before you pack them. That’s why nicer stores use tissue when you buy something; it supports without wrinkling.
The top layer of your bag will be your woven shirts, because they’re the most delicate and the most subject to getting crushed. Again, these can be wrapped in tissue to help prevent wrinkling. Or, more realistically, you can just send them out when you get to the hotel, and they’ll come back all fresh and lovely. If the idea of spending $10 to press a shirt while you’re on the road gives you pause, fear not. Unless you’re staying at a motel where they charge by the hour, there should be an iron in your room—or you can usually call housekeeping and request one. If you’re absolutely stuck somewhere without an iron, or short on time, hang your shirt in the bathroom and run a hot shower—the steam will eliminate the wrinkles.
Your toiletries should always be in a separate compartment from your clothes. I learned that the hard way, when my purple Paul Mitchell colorprotecting shampoo leaked out onto one of my favorite yellow cashmere sweaters. It was one of life’s very hard lessons, but I hope to spare you a similar fate.
You can also protect against such tragedies by keeping anything that could leak in a Ziploc bag and/or wrapping your garments in plastic bags. As a bonus, it’s also a good idea in the unlikely event of a water landing!
Accessories
Pookah shell necklaces. Unless you’re one of the Beach Boys or your career aspirations are to be a host at a Polynesian restaurant, leave your pookah shells with your inhibitions at the beach, okay?
Cell phones on belts. Never, ever.
Keys on chains clipped to your belt,.Not unless you’re a janitor or a prison warden (both of which happen to be hot).
Wallets on chains. Not unless you’re a Hell’s Angel, in which case let me give you my number.
Skin art. I love a hot tattoo, but it should be like the prize at the bottom of the Cracker Jack box: Your “friend” should discover it. Those of you with Vanilla Ice tattoos on your forearm will agree.
Gold teeth. For rappers only.
Rainbow suspenders. Three words: Mork from Ork. Actually, rainbow anything is always the wrong answer. I hope that doesn’t alienate me from my gay brethren, but really! No more freedom rings. The flag is plenty, people.
Eyeglasses with decal stickers of your initials. Sooo very Linda Richman.
Techno eyeglasses that look like pieces of German drafting equipment.
Fannypacks. Puh-leeze.
Backpacks. Your life is not an episode of 90210, and you’re not hiking the Alps every day. They’re just a little juvenile. But if you also carry a Rugrats lunchbox, then they’re fine.
CHAPTER 8
The Eighties Called, They Want Your Hair Back SKIN, HAIR AND NAILS, AND OTHER REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD DRINK MILK
YOU CAN BE THE BEST-DRESSED GUY ON THE PLANET—AND IF YOU’VE GOTTEN THIS FAR IN THE BOOK, YOU WILL BE!—BUT IF YOU’VE got horrendo breath, ratty hair, and nails that look like Grandpa Munster’s, you’re in big trouble. Here’s how to make sure that doesn’t happen.
HAIR
If I may quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, (perhaps the finest cinematographic work of art ever created), “The rules of hair care are simple and finite.” Your hair is your crowning glory. Whether