Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [47]
If you’re trying to avoid gray, I say, embrace it. Go with it. Don’t try to cover it up. Inevitably when you try to cover it, you get that color that’s too uniform and dark. You know, it’s always the color of the top of a cob of corn—that rusty brown. It makes you look like you have pubic hair on your head. Damn you, Ron Popeil! So just work with it. Think of your gray as a mark of being distinguished and having great life experiences. Salt and pepper’s hot. That’s the hair color, not the band.
FACIAL AND BODY HAIR
I love a little facial hair. Actually, I’d love to be able to grow some. But the hair on your face is just like the hair on your head: It needs to be well kept and well managed. You don’t want to look like Abe Lincoln, Grizzly Adams, or like you own an Amish roadside vegetable stand. You also don’t want to exfoliate your partner every time you make out, or transmit little mites from your scabie-licious stubble. Ahhh, scabies. Has there ever been a skin disorder so appropriately named?
If you’re wondering about how much or how little facial hair can work for you, speak to that fabulous HCP of yours. Well-groomed facial hair can actually cover up some facial flaws or accentuate your better features. You can use sideburns to create more of a cheekbone, for instance. It’s very personal, and a good stylist can help make it work for you.
When it comes to shaving, I only have one piece of advice: Take your time! It’s not a race. Let’s take a moment to think about the physics of shaving. Hmmmm. Razor-sharp blade right next to your jugular. So let’s not be hasty, shall we?
As for shaving cream, I think it’s all about quality. Some higher-end products are simply better, in my opinion. They’re made from natural products like lanolin or aloe vera. Natural is almost always better. If you doubt it, riddle me this: When’s the last time you slept with a trannie? But there are exceptions. If you have an inexpensive drugstore brand that works with your skin, that’s great. Shaving is about getting it to stand up, lubricating it, and then stroking gently. “It” means your facial hair, but this is a process with which I’m sure you’re well acquainted
BODY HAIR . . . OR “MANSCAPING”
Once you’ve dealt with the hair on your head and your face, I recommend you use a nose hair clipper to get rid of any additional hair coming out of orifices or pores, whether it’s the ear, nose, or ass crack. As for the brows, I don’t want to see them plucked and tweezed like Joan Crawfords. They don’t have to be perfectly formed. They shouldn’t be shaved. They just shouldn’t be connected all the way across like a Bering Strait you can walk right over. Waxing can be your friend. Don’t be afraid.
And now we get to my least favorite, the hairy back. A little bit of hair back there is not the end of the world, but if you’re at the beach and people are complimenting you on your sweater and you’re not wearing one, we’ve got a back hair situation, people. I call this profusion of body hair “Mangora.” You could shave it, but this would require a partner. What are you doing Tuesdays at eleven? Right after your favorite show ends on Bravo? Otherwise, just get thee to a waxer. Pronto.
THE SKIN YOUR IN
There’s a reason women age better than their husbands. It’s because they know how important it is to take care of their skin. Since many men work in grueling physical environments like extreme heat, cold, or sun, all preventive measures must be taken to protect your favorite organ ... your skin. Did you know that your skin is the largest organ of your body? It is. Don’t flatter yourself.
I don’t know why so many men neglect their skin care. Hello! It’s your face. And it’s really okay these days to care about your skin. It’s just like taking care of your car. You wash it, you buff it, you wax it—otherwise known