Off the Cuff - Carson Kressley [56]
Why not? In our culture, it’s women, not men, who are taught to do the shopping. They go grocery shopping, they go clothes shopping, and they learn how to navigate the retail landscape of this great land of ours. So they are just more comfortable with it and efficient at it. If you had no idea how to operate a car and were asked to get on I-95, you would be petrified, too.
Shopping is uncharted territory for a lot of men, a place where they feel uneducated. And we all know men don’t like being out of control. It’s straight out of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Men like things to be organized and in order. And nowadays shopping is not organized and well ordered. Department stores are crazy and the Internet is huge. It seems very chaotic, and men don’t like that. They don’t have the vocabulary and the training to articulate what they’re looking for and find it efficiently.
What Makes a Classic?
A classic is an icon. It’s something that always looks good on everyone. A classic two-button blue blazer looks good on almost everybody because of its silhouette, how it’s made, and the materials. Same goes for cowboy boots, Levi’s 501s, and Ray-Bans. But you don’t even have to look to clothes for inspiration—beautiful design can be found in everyday objects.
Polaroiding, Not for Amateurs
In one of my favorite films of all time, Legally Blonde, the main character, Elle Woods, would always take a friend shopping with her so the friend could take a Polaroid of her in each outfit. It’s something we did when I worked fashion shows, too. If you want, you can photograph outfits that look great on you so you can remember how to reconstruct them. I would suggest you do this only if it’s a special wardrobe item that you don’t wear very often—like your favorite wedding suit/shirt/tie combo. If it’s an all-time favorite, yeah, go ahead and take a photo of it and keep it in your underwear drawer. A meddling girlfriend can break up with you over it. Let me repeat: This is not for amateurs or the average guy. Honestly, who is going to have the time?
The ironic thing for me is that so many straight men hate shopping, but they can sit in trees all day waiting for a deer to scamper across their path and shoot it. Shopping is like hunting or sports: You’ve got a goal. You’ve got a barrier. (Bad credit!) You’ve got people on your team. You’ve got opponents. You’ve got coaches. You’ve got cheerleaders—well one, that’s me. What, you didn’t recognize me with the pom-poms? You’ve got men in tight spandex pants. Well maybe if you go to Barneys you’ll see a couple. But they’re not on your team, they’re on mine.
Anyway, if you know how to navigate the system, shopping is much easier and quicker and you get better results. It doesn’t have to be painful. It can be fun, enjoyable, and productive, it can save you money, and it can make you look better. Best of all, you can have lunch while you’re at it. So let’s empower you to be a better shopper, shall we?
Shopping in five easy steps:
1. Never shop alone. You want to be with someone who can provide you with an honest opinion, someone who will tell you straight out if the clothes are not right for you, if the color is off, or if something doesn’t fit correctly. So take your significant other or a friend. If you don’t have any friends, that’s sad. But just try to get a second opinion: A fairy godstylist at your favorite clothing store, or another gay man can tell you if things look good or not. And whether you’re alone or not, before you buy anything, check yourself in a three-way mirror.
2. Go out and practice. This shopping thing isn’t easy. It takes a lot of hard work and practice. Do an experiment: Go shopping for a day and resolve not to buy anything. Just see what’s out there. It gives you some education and helps you keep from making impulse purchases that you might regret.
3. Shop for who you are now and not who you will be five pounds from now. But on the flip side, don’t be afraid to try different silhouettes and experiment with